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How To Love Yourself And Find Your Purpose In Life

How to love yourself is the topic of the day and in this post we are going to teach you how to love yourself more and hopefully find your purpose in life along the way too.

It really is a process and combination of finding yourself and becoming a better person by accepting who you are and what value you add to this World.

It will hopefully change your life completely and you will look at things in a different way than you do today.

You see life is hard right and learning to love yourself first and foremost should be a priority along the way.

When you learn to live life for yourself first, then everything else will start to make sense.

What you will do is start to change the way you think about things and how you change your thoughts towards everything too.

And if you are living vicariously through others, then I will help you get over this too.

I learnt how to love myself a long time ago because I realized that no one was going to do it for me.

At the time I had no qualifications and a lifestyle that just seemed to be slipping away from me and all I felt like was a failure.

No one believed I was capable of great things and all I wanted to do was prove them wrong and I did.

I don’t want that for you because it is a terrible feeling and I just want you to love yourself more and see the greatness that you can achieve and help you get there too.

So rather than delve too much on my past I am going to tackle this in 3 ways. 1 – is to help you with my background on what I did to raise my self esteem and love myself more 2 – Common scenario’s where you might need to learn to love yourself 3 – Frequently asked questions about loving yourself more too. So let’s jump in

How to love yourself
How to love yourself – Photo by Adam Jang on Unsplash

My Top Tips On How To Love Yourself

  1. Stop comparing yourself to others – This is not about anyone else and no one compares to you. Yes you might want to look at other people and admire their qualities, looks, style etc but you need to be yourself and bring out the best in you. There is someone out there for everyone and when you meet them be it partners, friends etc they will love you for being you.
  2. Kindness – Kindness really does matter but first and foremost you have to be kind to yourself first. That means not self criticizing yourself in a negative way but learning to accept who you are and play to your talents and not the things that you are unhappy with. We all have days where we look in the mirror and think darn it I feel like crap, i am useless, I hate myself but you really do need to push these thoughts away and do something to cheer yourself up instead. It sounds easy but if we start the day feeling down about ourselves you will carry this with you for the day too.
  3. Acceptance – Accept who you are and try and find your true meaning in life. You are you and when you find your talent and value to the World, you will learn how to love yourself naturally. All of us want love in our lives and this starts with living a fulfilled lifestyle yourself too. What I mean by that is giving everything you can to life, trying your hardest, giving love, staying positive and fulfilling your dreams in life.
  4. Just be you – If you are trying to be someone else then you won’t find the happiness you are looking for and loving yourself will just become harder. Yes we want to fit in at times, but there really are people that want you for you and you don’t have to become someone else to impress them either. Enjoy being you, be proud of who you are, take joy in knowing that you are a nice person and that you do everything you can to help others.
  5. Don’t listen to other people’s opinions – People can be really cruel unfortunately and will quite often put you down or say that you are not worthy of things in life. They can do this for lots of different reasons, through jealousy, unkindess, ulterior motives or whatever. So do not listen to anyone that puts you down in anyway. No one should have the power to make you feel bad about yourself. Rid yourself of these type of people for the rest of your life, or speak to them and tell them how much they have hurt you. If they don’t apologize and change their behavior then they should not be in your life anyway.
  6. Your thoughts – This is the biggest thing I can ever say to anyone, you control your own mind and your thoughts. No one owns it but you. People can say things, do things but only you can stop those thoughts from spiraling out of control. You are the one that will let those thoughts run wild and cause you to overthink situations that probably aren’t real. When you tell yourself over and over that you hate something you will believe it. When you tell yourself something over and over that you like something then you will. So training your mind to be kind to yourself and your situation will allow you to push those thoughts from your mind.
  7. Enjoy life – We are all meant to live the best life we can. At times this might be impossible because we go through situations that bring us down and then we can also blame ourselves for this and the position we are in. So we have to get back on that horse and strive to make things better, sitting back and letting problems build up, will only make things worse. Having a plan on living life to the best of our ability however will make us feel good about ourselves and give us a pathway to success.
  8. Be proud of yourself – One of the biggest things in life is having reward and recognition for things. If we feel that we are accomplishing things in life then loving ourselves also comes naturally with that. When we get a pat on the back and feel valued for the things we do, then you have self respect for yourself and that leads to enhanced feeling of self esteem. Sometimes you have to reward yourself for doing a great job though as other people might not recognize our efforts. That is why it is good to have personal goals to achieve so that you can measure them and then reward yourself for the effort too.
  9. Gratitude – You hear this a lot right. Be grateful and thankful for what you have. This is easier said than done sometimes when you are feeling down in life. But when we dig deep we can be grateful. I know where I fall down in life sometimes, but then I also look to encourage myself and become a better person with everything that I do. I hold myself accountable for every word and action that comes out of my mouth. But I am very grateful for what I have and yes I want more in life who doesn’t. Sometimes we just have to be happy with what we have but strive to do more.
  10. You can do anything you want to – I don’t care what anyone says you can do this. You can look in the mirror and see the beauty inside of you, you can love and receive love, you can have anything you want, you can achieve anything you want, you can make yourself happy again, you can learn to make a better life for yourself. This is all in your control, yes it may be hard, yes it may take time, yes it may include change, yes you will fail along the way. But see life as an adventure, live it freely and how you want to and without letting other people bring you down along the way. You are an amazing person and you do add value to this World and when someone tells you otherwise just say to yourself, I love myself and I am happy with who I am so if you think that way fair enough. Smile and wave and move on knowing that you have done your personal best and don’t question yourself over it again.
  11. Smile – Smiling is the greatest emotion you can have and surrounding yourself with people and things that make you smile is the best thing ever. We can all walk around with our heads to the floor at times feeling peed off with life and what we stand for. Being around the right people however will always lift our spirits and you will attract people to you with a big smile on your face. Talk to strangers and shopkeepers and whoever you come across and built friendships. Friendships will make you feel valued in life and will also make you aware of the value you add to others lives too.

Common Scenarios Where You Will Want To Love Yourself More

  1. After a breakup – This is a horrible time and you will be feeling lots of different emotions but you have to get over them as quickly as possible. The thing here is not to blame yourself or them but accept that it is over and that things will get better. Life really is what you make it in most cases and if you move on quickly then you will soon forget the pain that was caused. I have been married 3 times now and finally I met the absolute love of my life and we understand what having a true relationship means. I see the previous marriages as training along the way so I can understand how to love my new wife properly and in the right way. I look back at my ex’s in a positive way that they helped me become a better person and I learned my lessons on being a great husband along the way. Yes it was painful at first but if you stay positive, get yourself out there and be yourself you will find that person that will have your back for life and you will never look back.
  2. After divorce – This is as above apart from you will have to have strength on this one and become the better person. Don’t get sucked into fighting, blaming and hating the other person. This will add a massive amount of negativity that neither of you will want. If you have children then they should come first always and never talk about your partner in front of them. I have 3 kids to 2 separate wives and although I don’t support the way they bring my kids up. It is not my business to interfere. You have to separate yourself on the thought that this was not working and that you will both be better of as a result of this in the future. You will go through the stages of grief, too much overthinking and everything else that gets thrown at you. But learn to stand on your own two feet and love yourself, enjoy this time to get to know yourself better without being held back. Get yourself out there and keep yourself busy doing the things you have always wanted to do. If you feel as if that person was to blame, sometimes we also need to accept some responsibility for the issue ourselves and never make the same mistake twice. Just don’t let the bitterness take over your life, move on, move upwards and live your best life.
  3. After gaining weight – This happens to us all. I put on 5 stone at one stage through stress and working away. It was one of the reasons my ex left me. But I now train 3 times a day which is great for mental health but also to keep the weight down. The important thing here is to not be hard on yourself but also set yourself a target to lose the weight and stay motivated to get there. Don’t try fad diets and stuff it is a simple process. Calories in vs calories out. Just because you are overweight does not mean that you don’t look great either. We tend to beat ourselves up about this stuff but if you haven’t got the motivation to do something about it, then don’t spend any mental time beating yourself up about it either.
  4. After narcissistic abuse – I suffered from this previously and had to take a deep look inside myself on whether this abuse was real. Then I realized it wasn’t and it wasn’t my fault either. Then I decided that this was just one person out of billions on the planet and I wasn’t going to let this behavior sway my judgement of others either. If someone does not support you in life, doesn’t add value, doesn’t have your back and puts you down in anyway. Get rid of them as quickly as you can as they will not change because they cannot see it for themselves. When someone cannot see what they are doing wrong they are unable to change it. So remove them quickly and move on as quickly as you can too and leave the scars behind you because that was their issue and not yours.
  5. Not caring what others think – I mentioned this above too. Now if you have no manners and are unkind to others then you should listen. You should also listen when someone is trying to help you improve yourself. When you shouldn’t listen is when someone like above is being narcissistic or intentionally putting you down or not supporting you for any reason. When you love yourself and are proud of who you are, you will see these things yourself as you will have trained yourself to be a genuine, kind and loving person who can adapt to any situation that life throws at you.
  6. Even if you’re ugly – This is a horrible one because no one is ugly and people are cruel and there is no need to be cruel to yourself. My daughter has a large birthmark on her face and people have been really cruel to her and she is lucky to be alive. We have taught her empathy and self love and bring out her happiness in her personality. She is an amazing girl and you don’t even see her scar when you see the beauty that she really has. There is someone out there for everyone and it is about your smile, the twinkle in your eye, the confidence in your walk. So don’t be hard on yourself here just ignore the idiots that make you feel that way and after all most of us are not blessed with beauty, social media just makes people look that way.
  7. If you’re fat – Again this is a hard one but you can take control of this. No it isn’t going to be easy but you will find yourself trapped in a one way circle. You feel bad about being overweight so you eat and it is hard to get the motivation to get rid of it. My son was extremely overweight and my ex ridiculed him at times and was both narcissistic and cruel. I taught him to love himself but also the value of sports, fitness and how it would improve his mental health and overall well being. I trained with him and supported him and now he is skinny as a rake and has loads of girls chasing after him. Please if you feel this way about yourself, then do something to change it and start to live the best life that you deserve.
  8. First before loving others – Loving yourself means having confidence in yourself but it is not a prerequisite prior to loving other people. You will all grow together and a partner especially should be the person that adds massive value to your life, will help you shape yours, will make you the best person that you can be. So you will change and grow together over time, but absolutely love yourself too, just don’t put off giving it to others first and foremost as you might find it helps you love yourself more too.

Frequently asked questions about loving yourself

  1. How do you learn to love yourself? By feeling valued in life and not listening to other people. You guide yourself through life knowing that you have a pathway to follow and that you will help others along the way. When you are kind to yourself and use your own talents in life to strive towards something. You will feel valued and this will allow you to see the positives you add to life. Think positively about yourself, don’t take rejection personally as this will always happen in life. Just go out there be yourself and knock the world dead with your tenacity and love for life itself.
  2. What does it mean to live yourself? By accepting who you are and learning to use your talents for the best value it gives to the World. You may not know what that value is but by being and acting yourself you will naturally attract the things that you need in your life by just being you. People are cruel sometimes and especially children as they don’t know any better. So it is being comfortable in your skin, not taking criticism and rejection to heart, not being too self critical but confident in yourself and your own abilities. To look after and care for yourself at all costs and everything else around you will start to make sense.
  3. How do I stop being so insecure? Insecurity can be a nightmare and is probably due to not having the recognition and reward through confidence in yourself and other situations. This is where you have to take control of your thoughts and stop any overthinking as part of that process. When you look at life in a logical manner, we are insecure about things, we all have doubts and fears, worries that won’t go away. So the way I deal with this is by probability, what is the likely hood of this happening in the first place? Then go through a process of deduction and when you realize you are causing yourself this damage you can replace those thoughts with more positive thoughts anyway. Our minds have a way of protecting us sometimes that does make us insecure. When you look at life and accept that everything can happen for a reason, you accept the shit that comes along and learn to get over it and move forward instead. This isn’t easy but when you take control of your life and don’t become dependent on others, you can improve yourself at every opportunity and if you get let down, then you know it wasn’t through anything that you did. So build your confidence in yourself and believe in you.
  4. How can I practice self love – The way that I do this is by setting goals for myself and things that I want to achieve in life. By following a plan in life I get both rewarded and recognized for the things I do. I also keep extremely fit to keep my mind focused and keep the negative thoughts away. I love myself because I try hard, love others, I am empathic and I do everything I can to be the best that I can be. Which means trying to consistently get better at things, supporting and helping others, being patient and generally knowing I am doing everything I can to make my life the best life ever. This is something you can follow too by doing things that you love and getting rewarded for it, help others and give love and kindness and you will feel you are adding value to other people’s lives as well.
  5. What do I do if I don’t love myself – Be patient and kind to yourself. We all change as we go through stages in life and hopefully this will be a temporary feeling. The important thing is not to blame yourself or others for the situation. But reestablish who you are and what you want in life independently of anyone else. Learn more about yourself and what makes you smile, recognize when you are happy, when you feel valued, when you feel good and do more of those things. There really is the only one of you so learn to love yourself as quickly as you possibly can.

Right that is it, everything I know on how to love yourself. My fingers are hurting me and I hope you took the time to read everything. But please do not sit on the sideline and waste your life away, get out there and make the most of it, believe in yourself and give yourself the best possible life you can otherwise you will regret it.

If you want help along the way then join me on my transformation program https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk where I will help you live the life of your dreams every step of the way.

Wishing you all the very best in your future Scott

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