Lots of people come up with ideas on the secret to life and in my experience they couldn’t be further from the truth.
But the truth in my life is probably going to be different than yours and whether you believe what I say below will be based on how open minded you are about life itself.
The two real secrets to life are mastering your thoughts and experiences. Once you learn to master the thoughts that you control and you learn in life through experience, then you will find that you take control of your life.
Once you take control of your life, then happiness will follow. Lots of people get caught up in trying to be something they are not, competing with others and this just leads to sadness.
So check out all the tips below, frequently asked questions, and the podcast transcript and see if you can see the secret of life and the universe yourself too.
My Top Tips On Controlling Your Thoughts And Living Through Experiences
- Your thoughts – Absolutely everything that you think in life is created through your thoughts, experiences, and education. Your expectations in life are created by your own values. You choose to be healthy, you choose to be kind, you choose to be upset, you choose to work hard, you choose to give up, you choose to be unhappy or happy. Everything that you think drives who you are and what you stand for and nothing else. When you control these obsessive intrusive thoughts and turn them into something positive and learn from them, you will take control of your life.
- Your values will change – Most people are sticklers to how they are educated and stick to the values they are brought up with. These values however are based on other factors and unless you have experienced 1000’s of instances of the same thing or thoughts, then you cannot make a judgment on something. As an example, breaking wind and burping in England is frowned upon and seen as rude, in other cultures however it is seen as a sign of appreciation for the meal you have just eaten. There are millions of examples such as this but be prepared to change your values as you experience more people and situations in your life. Be open-minded to new things and different approaches in life.
- Your story in life – Our backgrounds are our backgrounds. We cannot go back and change them, we cannot do anything about them either. So living your life based on this will stop you from finding the true secret to life. That story will hold you back and give you an excuse not to do more in life. We can all change our lives at the drop of a hat if we want to but using our story as an excuse will not get you to where you want to be.
- Stop peeing yourself off – Everyone suffers from narkiness, unexplained moments where we are frustrated and angry at things. You have to stop passing the buck and blaming others for this and know that it is your own thoughts that are creating a real problem. An example. in a relationship and when you are living with someone else, you are both going to do things that annoy each other. Leaving clothes on a chair, toothpaste in the sink, not washing dishes properly, or whatever it is. But if you get yourself annoyed about this and end up hating the other person for it, then that is your choice to have those thoughts. The sensible thing to do is to have a chat with them and ask them to stop it or just let it go. People generally do not do things to annoy us, it is the things they do that we annoy ourselves about due to our own values and thought process. So it is our thinking that has to change so that we do not get annoyed over stupid things.
- Don’t compare your abilities to someone else – Confidence is key in life. We all have our own skills in life and they will be very different from someone else’s. So having those thoughts about I am not as good as them, or I will never be as good as them, will get you nowhere in life. You will have thought that you are second best and doubting yourself and your own ability. You are different remember that and there will be things that the other person thinks they are not as good as you at too. So always strive to be the best that you can be in life and don’t judge yourself next to others.
- Dealing with frustration – Frustration is the biggest thing that creates arguments. We take our crap out on other people and expect them to take it. Kids do this all the time, they don’t want to scream and shout at you but they don’t know how to communicate properly. If you are frustrated in any way shape or form with anything, go away, come back with a calm approach and clarity of mind. Then deal with it, never take your frustrations out on others as you will say and do things you regret later.
- Don’t go down the rabbit hole – Don’t let other people suck you into their story. If they are trying to bring you down through frustration or whatever other means, do not rise to the bait. As soon as you start to retaliate you will get in a tit for tat argument that will only upset you both. Again stay calm and try and talk about the problems and not react to them.
- Believe in yourself – Learn not to question yourself all the time about things. Remember the stories that you are making up in your head are not real, the self-doubt, the excuses, the objections are all things that are just stopping you from moving forward. Learn to overcome these thoughts and think about positive outcomes instead of seeing the negative in things. The Universe works in a strange way and negativity breeds negativity, positivity breeds positivity. You have to turn those thoughts around and do something to counter them with an action to stop them.
- Stand up for yourself – Do not let anyone mess with your thoughts, their words, their actions are their own behaviors to correct. They are not your problem and people can be cruel. So do not take any crap from anyone and stand up for yourself. Even if that standing up just means letting go of what they said or did.
- The only thing that matters – In life if you are kind and considerate, work hard and put every effort that you can into life, then you are doing your utmost best. So your own mental health and stability is the most important thing you need to think about. That means letting your thoughts go and only reacting to real events, your thoughts are just stories, and learning to control the outcome of these into a positive idea is paramount to finding the secret to life. If you can really learn that those stories in your head are just stories, then you will pacify your mind and concentrate on overcoming the true and real obstacles that are standing in your way of enjoying life.
- Experience – Life is meant to be fun, we are not meant to punish ourselves through negative thinking, we are meant to be open-minded, kind, and caring people. So stop making stories up in your life about what other people think of you, be proud of who you are, and hang around with people who will support you and help you through life. Help others and it will come back to you through Karma. Be open-minded about life, people, and experiences. Have your own opinions but do not force them upon others, see that everyone is limited to their own thoughts and experiences. One day they will see the secret to life or they won’t. But that is not your problem, your job is to control your thoughts and experience life through rose-tinted glasses and just enjoy the journey.
- Your experiences do not dictate the future – Often or not we are held back by bad experiences in life. You quite often hear divorced people say they would never get married again…. I say cobblers, I have been married 3 times now and I am still learning to be a great husband. Quite often just because you have had a bad outcome in life, does not mean that it will happen again in the future. Just because someone has let you down, does mean that everyone will. Just because someone has betrayed your trust, does not mean everyone will. You should learn from these experiences but do not create stories making out that everything is like that because it is not. The law of averages means lightning never strikes twice (apart from the really unlucky chap that got hit 3 times in one night that is). But do not let bad experiences hold you back, just learn from it and make sure next time you have a more positive outcome.
The Secret To Life Podcast Transcript
Hi there and welcome to the [email protected] and it’s Scott, your host talking. And today I wanted to talk about the secret to life because there isn’t it what everyone is looking for. And most people associate kind of the secret to life or the secrets of life, or whatever you want to call her with happiness and happiness kind of is the overall point that people want to get to in life, to be happy, to be content, to enjoy life and everything else.
But there is one thing that stops you from getting there, and kinda what I wanted to talk about with the secret today is it’s all about your thoughts. It’s all about your experiences in life and the secret of everything is being able to control your thoughts and to be able to experience more in life.
0 (1m 6s):
Now, happiness obviously is the ultimate place that everyone wants to be, but it isn’t a fundamental factor that you can get there without understanding and controlling your thoughts and what I mean by that is, most of the time, most people in life, you know, you probably have a couple of job interviews. You probably get married once, you probably have a couple of kids. And that experience is very, very limited. And what I mean by limited is you only get one shot at it, maybe two shots at it before you actually realize the type of person you are and how you react to different situations.
0 (1m 51s):
So, it’s like when I got divorced for the first time, it was absolutely awful. It was kind of like a childhood sweetheart, you know, two kids, two boys, the marriage falling apart, it was just horrible. It was the worst experience I think I have ever gone through in my life. Now that didn’t stop me from moving forward in life because I always had this vision that I wanted to have a happy marriage.
0 (2m 23s):
I wanted to have kids and I met someone else and I got married again. But this time I learned from the first marriage about the mistakes that I made and the experiences that I had and I didn’t want to make those same mistakes again. I wanted to be a better person, but when someone else is in your life, there are expectations of what they want from you might be very different from what your previous wife or your previous relationship could have been like.
0 (2m 53s):
So Unfortunately again, I got divorced a second time. And before you start thinking that I’m like a serial divorcist or anything. It really wasn’t my fault. And if you know my story you’ll understand the background of this, but the second divorce was nowhere near as painful because I had already experienced the things that were going to happen in the first instance. So I knew what was going to happen, I knew the process of getting divorced, I knew the process for financial order’s and divorce papers and moving out of the home, selling your assets, all those sorts of stuff.
0 (3m 35s):
So via those experiences, every time you experience something it gets easier next time, if you willing to learn about that experience in the first place and I’m now married again for the third time, this time, I think I’ve got it right. 100%. Right. You know, and all the things that I’m learning about my self are about the thoughts that you have, the things that you think about, the thoughts that would come in and make you feel unhappy in your life.
0 (4m 8s):
And we can all do it. You know your wife upsets you or your partner upsets you and you sit there going there a blooming idiot, he doesn’t like me, they are letting me down, they do this, they do that. But they’re just thoughts, that other person that you’re with has no idea that your thinking that, and you might take it out on them and be in a mood or whatever, but they’ve got absolutely no idea. And all of a sudden what can happen is you can make up these stories in your head, you can go down a pathway where those thoughts that you’re having can make up massive, massive story’s.
0 (4m 45s):
And before you know it, you have convinced yourself of something that was never real in the first place, but your mind still lives through that story, we can create unhappiness, by living in those stories that we make up. And it’s absolutely ridiculous because our minds are there to protect us they are there, to look after us to take care of us, but sometimes they are wrong. And those thoughts lead you down an avenue of unhappiness.
0 (5m 18s):
So the secret of life to me is looking at those thoughts and transposing those for what they are. They are just thoughts. And if they are there to protect you and they are there to help you, then understanding what those thoughts mean and the impact that they have long term will really allow you to understand more about yourself and more about Life. What I mean by that is if you’re getting into an argument consistently with somebody, you know that you have to solve that argument, or you’ve got to walk away, you know, that whatever you say is going to be taken literally by that person and you can ruin a relationship by thinking for that person before you even have that conversation.
0 (6m 50s):
But they’re your thoughts that is your story. It isn’t their story and unless you give people the opportunity to tell you their story then getting your story right in the first place is a really, really difficult thing to do. And what I mean by experiences, it’s like with anxiety, isn’t it? The first time anybody has an anxiety attack, you think the world is falling apart. You are so scared of what is happening to you, that you have than a fear of it happening again, because your story in your mind, your thoughts have completely taken you down an avenue that you can’t cope with. Or that you can’t do something that the world is falling apart. And you convince yourself through that story that you can’t cope. When actually that’s just one instance of it happening and the more anxiety attacks that you get, the more that it happens, if you look at your thoughts your feelings, you understand that, that it’s a natural part of Life to be nervous, to feel anxious, to feel uncomfortable, to question yourself, to question other people, to look at situations, you understand that it is just an experience.
0 (7m 30s):
It’s the story that you make up in your head about that experience becoming real. That is the frightening thing. But when you learn that it is just an experience and you can breathe through it, you are going to experience it, so feel comfortable with it, then the anxiety starts to go away and you become less scared because you know that you are gonna experience that. It’s something in life that we all are going to go through and the fight or flight mechanism can come up all over the shop, but the more you experience it.
0 (8m 7s):
And the more you realize that they’re your thoughts there, your story that is making up that problem. You’re gonna have an issue if you can’t do something the worse it gets. And the reason I know this is because I had a major driving problem. And every time I got in the car, I had a panic attack and I couldn’t drive the car. And if I could, I would have to pull over and get someone to come and pick me up and it took me years to realize that I was using my own personal story in my head, that every time I thought about driving I would think I was going to have a panic attack.
0 (8m 41s):
I had a fear of doing it and it even put me off driving completely. Then when I met my new wife, she got in the car with me and she’d say, it’s fine. If you have an issue, I’ll take over. And if I started to panic and she would say, it’s okay, your driving well, you were doing good, everything is oriet. And she talked to me and it made me realize that this was the story in my head. And sometimes it would happen. And sometimes it wouldn’t, but that story existed until I realized that, that was just a story.
0 (9m 16s):
I am a good driver. I can drive without any problems I can drive without having an anxiety attack. I can get in the car and go and do whatever I want to. And those feelings start to subside. When you realize it is just your own thoughts that are making you feel this way. Through other experiences people say, why are you so good at doing presentations? Because I do a lot of presentations. Do I have those stories and thoughts of, Oh my God, I’m scared?
0 (9m 48s):
You know, what’s, everyone going to think there are three hundred people in the room all that sort of stuff is just a story. But when you realize it’s the story, and you just go out there and you relax and you go, they’re gonna enjoy my content. It’s going to be a great presentation. I’m going to be able to answer all questions. And you look at it without questioning yourself, without taking yourself down that user journey. It makes things so much easier. And the same with interviews, most people probably only do two interviews in a whole lifetime, three interviews, maybe five at the most, I’ve done probably 15 interviews this year.
0 (10m 29s):
And every time that you go to those interviews, you perform better. You learn not to question yourself. You don’t take yourself down the user journey of what, if this goes wrong, what if I don’t get the job. What if I make an idiot of myself, that’s your story and those things only happen when you question yourself about those things. And that is the true secret to life is realizing that we panic ourselves. We make up our own stories.
0 (11m 0s):
We question ourselves we self doubt ourselves, we mess relationships up, we do wrong things. We make mistakes. And when you realize that all those things are just a pathway in life, there just things that will happen, and you can be kind, learn to apologize and make up for things and just take care of yourself. Then life does become easier. But you have to realize that most of the problems that we have are self-generated through our own thoughts and our own feelings.
0 (11m 35s):
And if you can master and conquer those emotions, then you’re much better than anybody else to move forward in life because you won’t question yourself. You won’t have that self-doubt. You will know that you are driven. And if something doesn’t work out, it’s fine because you will have another plan of what else you can do instead. And it’s stopping that worrying in your mind. It’s stopping, taking yourself down that journey, worrying about 50 million different things that really do not matter.
0 (12m 10s):
So when you keep your mind occupied with moving forward in life? Your mind is occupied with the good stuff and the more good things that happen. The more your mind does good user stories, you envisage getting your new car, having the lifestyle you want, having the friendships you want too. Like, but when you get stuck in negative user stories, your mind can take you off on a journey that you don’t want to go on. So it’s how you look at yourself and position your thoughts and question those thoughts.
0 (12m 45s):
Is this really real? Would that really happen? No, it’s not going to happen. You change the way you think about something and you put a positive spin on it. and you say, I am not going to feel like this. I want the outcome to look like this instead and get used to telling yourself positive user stories, envisage the good things that are going to happen. Not bad things. And when you can switch your mind in that way, you would have mastered your own mind, your own thoughts.
0 (13m 18s):
You won’t question yourself. You will just learn in life. You will become a superhero in life and the rest of your life will fall into place. Everything will fall into place. And then if you combine that with all the other great stuff of kind of keeping yourself fit and healthy, nutritious diet, you know, having goals and plans in life, then you can tie all that together to getting absolutely everything that you want in life.
0 (13m 50s):
And then happiness will follow, which is the ultimate goal because you will feel a sense of achievement. You’ll stop questioning yourself. You’ll stop feeling like a failure. You’ll stop not doing things because you will have a go at it. And that’s all it takes is your mind to understand that everything that goes on in your mind is your story and that can be a good story or a bad story, but it’s up to you to control what that story is.
0 (14m 21s):
So every day, try and turn your story into a positive one and you will master the secrets of life.
Frequently Asked Questions About The Secret To Life
- What is the secret to life? Life is what we make it and is controlled by our own thoughts and our own feelings. When we immerse ourselves in self-doubt, judgement of others, being unkind, not putting our all into life, hiding away, making excuses, criticising and giving up, then our lives become encaged in misery. So the secret to life is to work hard, be open-minded, control your thoughts, have more experiences, stop self-sabotage, have a go at things, be kind, enjoy the experience of life for bad or good, learn from our pasts and always strive to be a better person. We all make mistakes, we all do things wrong, but we should all have the right to live a happy life.
- What is the secret to happiness? Happiness is created from within. If you want a happy life then you have to do whatever you can to get the rewards and recognition you need to feel fulfilled in life. By helping others and doing your very best and then reaping the rewards of that pleasure, will provide you with more than enough happiness to live your life. Live freely without judgement on your terms and be kind to others and help and aid them. Enjoy life because you can.
- What is perfect in life? We are all perfect in our own way. Anything can become perfect through the eyes of the beholder. The only ugliness we see is what we perceive through our own thoughts and our education. If everyone had a birthmark on their face, that would be acceptable, but they haven’t, so people judge those that do instead. So free your mind from your education and limited perception and experience life and the people in it and see your mind open to a bigger, better and wider World.
- What is a deep secret? Is one that you have a fear of telling other people. I can tell you that most of us have the weirdest thoughts, the weirdest encounters and you should never feel ashamed to tell other people. As long as you have not wronged someone in any way. Most people have lived through similar experiences, we all just see different things as a result of it.
- How can I be happy? Honestly, the answer to this is, don’t listen to your negative thoughts. Take control of your life and your destiny and enjoy life. Work hard, strive to live a life that you deserve. Do everything you can to meet your goals and experience life as a learning curve with ups and downs. Don’t be sad when you can be making new friends, making new experiences. Don’t wait for life to come to you, go out there and grab it with both hands,
So that is everything that I can think of on the secret of life. Life is meant to be enjoyed and if you are struggling with your thoughts or need a little help in life. Then check out my transformation program below and don’t be shy, come and join me and experience the secrets of life in a different way.
Wishing you all the very best in the future Scott