Today I’m going to talk about confidence and “how to be more confident” in your daily life moving forward. My confidence got a massive knock back at one stage in my life when I was attacked by a group of men and unfortunately had my ear torn off and consequently sewn back on again.
It’s times like this when you think, how on earth am I going to be able to rebuild my confidence again. At first when I walked up a road, I would turn around and walk the other way if I saw people coming. But over time I implemented some of the principles I will discuss below on what I did to boost my confidence and how you can too. I’ll also talk through some scenario’s on how to boost your self esteem in certain situations.
In the meantime though I wanted to tell you that in order to live a fulfilled lifestyle it really is important to concentrate on giving yourself the confidence boost you will need to be happy in life. When you are happy in life you can be confident and confidence will make you go places believe me.
My Top Tips On How To Build Your Self Confidence
- The voices in your head – The one major issue that you will have when trying to build your self confidence is the voice in your head telling you that you can’t do it, your scared, your anxious and you will fail. This where you need to understand that your mind is just trying to protect you, so don’t be scared of these thoughts. You just need to turn them around into being a positive approach instead by saying “I can do this, I’ve done it before”, “I’m not anxious, I’m just nervous, but so is everyone else”, “It is okay if I fail as at least I will learn something from the experience”. Learning that these are just thoughts and controlling them is the first step to building your confidence. You also need to try and stop any overthinking too, questioning yourself just makes you worry more so concentrate on get on with the job in hand and leave the negative thoughts behind you.
- Accept failure – When we first do something and I use the example of riding a bike here because we all have done this at some stage in our lives. But we go through lots of different emotions, the first is the fun because we have stabilizers and can hurry along, the next is falling off all over the place when you take the stabilizers off, the third is enjoying it when you finally learn to balance and ride off on your own. So the point here is that if we try new things, expect to fail a few times first and foremost but know that for every failure you have is just another learning curve to getting things right in the first place. Don’t worry if people laugh at you or tell you that you can’t do it, they are just idiots and you should only listen to people who encourage and help you to do better.
- Practice makes perfect – Doing things over and over again will always make you better at that particular thing, sensible scenario right? The key thing is doing what makes you happy as this will give you the passion and the boost to keep on trying. Trying to master something you dislike is much harder than doing something you enjoy. Doing more of what what makes you happy will almost definitely boost your confidence along the way.
- Motivation is key – Having some motivation towards what you want to do will also help you to gain confidence. Being motivated towards your goals and wanting to succeed in the task in hand will allow you to keep trying and as above practice makes perfect. Who do you think would be the better footballer, the kid who has the motivation to practice every hour of the day or the kid who practices once a week? Yes you guessed so always stay motivated and practice lots to give yourself a massive boost in self esteem.
- Record your actions – You may think that you are not good at something but if you measure and record your actions you will build your confidence based on the results. This is something must of us beat ourselves up about as we think we are not getting anywhere, but what we want is fast results and confidence is built over time. So have a little patience along the way too.
- Be careful what you sign up for – Sometimes our confidence can take a massive knock because we agree to do things that we might not be able to do or deliver and cause ourselves anxiety along the way. So be careful and think before you speak and answer someone if you think that you are not confident enough to do the task. Then talk to them and let them know that you would love to do it but you might need a little help with xyz in order to be more successful in the task.
- Be kind to yourself – We can all beat ourselves up when we think we can do better at something or miss out on things due to a lack of confidence. But hating yourself for it is something that you need to avoid at all costs. Building up your confidence really does mean having a go, accepting failure, learning by your mistakes, doing more of it and being kind to yourself along the way.
- You can do this – The biggest thing I had to do and you need to do to is tell yourself over and over “You Can Do This”. One of the biggest things you can do in life is take over thoughts and start to manifest a winning attitude in your mind. It may sound cryptic but when they take people onto the teams for the Olympics one of the questions they will ask is where do you see yourself coming in the race. Now if you don’t answer first and can’t close your eyes and see yourself finishing in first place then your confidence might not be up to the level they need for you to get in there. So always when confronted with anything that involves building confidence, take time out and sit quietly and close your eyes. Then see yourself winning and saying over and over “I got this” – ” I can do it” – do not let any negative thoughts or self doubt creep in and keep on doing it.
How To Be More Confident In Common Scenario’s Tips
- Kissing – Believe it or not but this comes up quite a lot and I even had a conversation with my 17 year old the other day because he was asking girls whether or not he was a good kisser or not. Now someone might tell you or they might not. But take your time again practice makes perfect and you might have kiss a few frogs to perfect your technique but when you meet the right person and fall in love you won’t have to ask this. Your lips will fit perfectly and you will both adapt the way you kiss towards each other. So don’t stress out about this one just give it your best shot and you will know what was a good kiss or not.
- As a leader – Confidence is key in leadership positions so your audience will expect you to be knowledgeable, speak with authority, understand the audience and listen to their questions. If you are in this position then the best thing you can do if you want to be successful, is go through your material and speak with confidence. Take your time when you deliver your message, make it informative and not too detailed unless needed, maintain your stature. If confidence is a problem again take moments of clarity to manifest the images in your head of delivering the perfect speech to the audience. I remember speaking in front of thousands for the first time and I was so nervous it was untrue, but I knew my topic and subject and after moments of opening your mouth the nerves tend to settle down most of the time.
- As a lover and confident in bed – This again is a case of practice makes perfect. Keep open communication with your partner and talk to them about what they like and don’t like. This does take confidence to ask, but you are much better off asking than fumbling through and them not enjoying themselves. So just pluck up the courage on this one and talk to them and your confidence will grow together as you work out what works best for the both of you. Don’t worry about making a fool of yourself if you have this type of open communication you will both laugh when things don’t work out. So be open minded.
- Being assertive – This is really hard for some people because they don’t like to tell other people what to do. Assertive behavior when accompanied by good manners however is a good thing. This corresponds to saying no to people as well as an attribute that most of us have to learn to do more of. It takes a little bit of courage but be assertive with a please and then a thank you and people will respect you for giving them the guidance they needed in the first place. Once you get used to being assertive it can make you feel quite powerful in some ways so practice it regularly to give your confidence a super boost.
- Being chatty and outgoing – Awh people do seem to have lost the art of communication now and this is one way to really improve your confidence through conversation. The thing I do hear is I ask questions and listen carefully to the answers. You quite often find something that, that person is interested in which gives them the confidence to discuss more with you. Try writing questions down you would like to ask the person and then go for your life. It is always better to fill the silences than have big gaps of awkwardness.
- Everyday life in general – Whether you want to know how to be more confident with your girfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, horse riding, in bed, during exams, in an interview, in conversation, in groups, speaking, singing. Then my message is the same to you. Keep pushing yourself and your confidence boundaries, don’t give up and don’t give in trying. If you can get over the initial anxiety of pushing yourself you will be one step further to success.
How To Be More Confident Frequently Asked Questions
- How do I become more confident in myself? There are a number of aspects here and that is not to compare yourself to anyone else. You have your own unique skills and whilst living vicariously through others can be a good thing, you need to differentiate yourself and be confident with who you are. Confidence really does come from within, fitness is great at giving you the right attitude to create confidence. As you can set yourself goals to achieve and when you smash them you start to feel good. Like with losing weight, if you are successful then you feel like you have achieved your goal. So put a plan together on what you want your life to look like and then actively look to achieve those things. Learn about yourself along the way and prepared for failure to become your number one enemy. If you can overcome challenges with a smile on your face then you will be confident that next time you will smash it. So do more things that you are good at, reward yourself, get recognized for your achievements and confidence will follow. There is absolutely nothing wrong with living and loving yourself in life and feeling good about who you are. Just be a great person who likes to add value to other people’s lives.
- What causes lack of confidence? Low self esteem and self doubt can be a cause. Imagine this you think you are rubbish at football and don’t believe you would ever be good. The Pele comes along and offers to train you every single day until you become great. Do you think you would be good at football then? Of course you would. So like with everything in life, having the belief that you can do something, having the right people around you to support you, trying and accepting failure, getting rewarded for it and your confidence will rise significantly. It is just unfortunate in life that a lot of people are not managed this way through bad parents, bad bosses, friends etc. So self doubt does creep in and all you can do is believe that you deserve more and prove everyone wrong by practicing and practicing and smashing the ball out of the park. No one else is better than you remember that, they just have different skills than you. Be yourself, build your confidence and get out there and smash life in the face.
- How do you fix low self esteem and self confidence? My youngest son used to be overweight and he hated his life. He was picked on, didn’t have any friends and just didn’t know where to go. So he came to me and I got him into fitness and he started to drop the weight. I encouraged him to join the rugby and the basketball team at school. He was shy and didn’t want to but I explained the benefits of being part of a team and that it would help build his confidence and it did massively. Now his a young fit, smart and confident guy because his team mates tell him how he great he is. We will need people around us to recognize our strengths, weaknesses and tell us how great we are. So if you are struggling with confidence, then you need to build it up by getting yourself out there and get others to help that confidence grow too. Even if you are shy, you have to break that barrier of being uncomfortable, the feeling doesn’t last long and just get on with it. You will be happy you did I promise you.
- How can I improve my self image? This is all about being comfortable with yourself and learning to love yourself. Looking after yourself so that you look smart and look in the mirror and thank darn it I look amazing. Now it doesn’t mean turning into someone you don’t recognize so you should make it so that you feel proud of how you look in the mirror and dress to impress anyway. When you build your self confidence you will exude your personality to others. Have you ever seen someone walk in a room and own it and thought darn it look at them? Well they are the one’s that have been through all the crap in life and realize that self care is important for mental well being. They are kind and considerate and confident in who they are and what their meaning is in life. SO be like them and get out there and smash life because you can.
- How can i be confident with anxiety? Anxiety is a way of your mind protecting itself and you want to fight or flight. I have often found that the basis for this confidence. Normally brought on by stress and our uneasiness about things happening around us. Anxiety does go when you get rid of these stresses however and take control of your life. If you are not confident about something then ask for help. This is not a weakness and I don’t mean ask for help for your anxiety but ask for help with the things that you are struggling with. Attack those demons and deal with your problems and issues as quickly as you can and the anxiety will go when the problem goes away too. Be prepared for challenges and problems in life but look to address them head on and immediately as they rise. This stops anxiety in it’s tracks over time.
So they are my thoughts on how to be more confident and I know it isn’t easy and you have to push yourself through lots of comfort zones but you will get there with practice.
My confidence was knocked massively when my last wife left me and I decided to put a transformation program together that you can find at https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk it will help you too. Because building your confidence is a load of steps you need to take to also give kindness, give love, treat people with respect, believe in yourself and this program will help you get there with my help.
So give it a shot and I’ll see you on the inside and in the meantime have lots of fun in life. Best wishes Scott