Today I’m going to talk about confidence and “how to be more confident” in your daily life moving forward. My confidence got a massive knock back at one stage in my life when I was attacked by a group of men and unfortunately had my ear torn off and consequently sewn back on again.
It’s times like this when you think, how on earth am I going to be able to rebuild my confidence again. At first when I walked up a road, I would turn around and walk the other way if I saw people coming. But over time I implemented some of the principles I will discuss below on what I did to boost my confidence and how you can too. I’ll also talk through some scenario’s on how to boost your self esteem in certain situations.
In the meantime though I wanted to tell you that in order to live a fulfilled lifestyle it really is important to concentrate on giving yourself the confidence boost you will need to be happy in life. When you are happy in life you can be confident and confidence will make you go places believe me.
My Top Tips On How To Build Your Self Confidence
- The voices in your head – The one major issue that you will have when trying to build your self confidence is the voice in your head telling you that you can’t do it, your scared, your anxious and you will fail. This where you need to understand that your mind is just trying to protect you, so don’t be scared of these thoughts. You just need to turn them around into being a positive approach instead by saying “I can do this, I’ve done it before”, “I’m not anxious, I’m just nervous, but so is everyone else”, “It is okay if I fail as at least I will learn something from the experience”. Learning that these are just thoughts and controlling them is the first step to building your confidence. You also need to try and stop any overthinking too, questioning yourself just makes you worry more so concentrate on get on with the job in hand and leave the negative thoughts behind you.
- Accept failure – When we first do something and I use the example of riding a bike here because we all have done this at some stage in our lives. But we go through lots of different emotions, the first is the fun because we have stabilizers and can hurry along, the next is falling off all over the place when you take the stabilizers off, the third is enjoying it when you finally learn to balance and ride off on your own. So the point here is that if we try new things, expect to fail a few times first and foremost but know that for every failure you have is just another learning curve to getting things right in the first place. Don’t worry if people laugh at you or tell you that you can’t do it, they are just idiots and you should only listen to people who encourage and help you to do better.
- Practice makes perfect – Doing things over and over again will always make you better at that particular thing, sensible scenario right? The key thing is doing what makes you happy as this will give you the passion and the boost to keep on trying. Trying to master something you dislike is much harder than doing something you enjoy. Doing more of what what makes you happy will almost definitely boost your confidence along the way.
- Motivation is key – Having some motivation towards what you want to do will also help you to gain confidence. Being motivated towards your goals and wanting to succeed in the task in hand will allow you to keep trying and as above practice makes perfect. Who do you think would be the better footballer, the kid who has the motivation to practice every hour of the day or the kid who practices once a week? Yes you guessed so always stay motivated and practice lots to give yourself a massive boost in self esteem.
- Record your actions – You may think that you are not good at something but if you measure and record your actions you will build your confidence based on the results. This is something must of us beat ourselves up about as we think we are not getting anywhere, but what we want is fast results and confidence is built over time. So have a little patience along the way too.
- Be careful what you sign up for – Sometimes our confidence can take a massive knock because we agree to do things that we might not be able to do or deliver and cause ourselves anxiety along the way. So be careful and think before you speak and answer someone if you think that you are not confident enough to do the task. Then talk to them and let them know that you would love to do it but you might need a little help with xyz in order to be more successful in the task.
- Be kind to yourself – We can all beat ourselves up when we think we can do better at something or miss out on things due to a lack of confidence. But hating yourself for it is something that you need to avoid at all costs. Building up your confidence really does mean having a go, accepting failure, learning by your mistakes, doing more of it and being kind to yourself along the way.
- You can do this – The biggest thing I had to do and you need to do to is tell yourself over and over “You Can Do This”. One of the biggest things you can do in life is take over thoughts and start to manifest a winning attitude in your mind. It may sound cryptic but when they take people onto the teams for the Olympics one of the questions they will ask is where do you see yourself coming in the race. Now if you don’t answer first and can’t close your eyes and see yourself finishing in first place then your confidence might not be up to the level they need for you to get in there. So always when confronted with anything that involves building confidence, take time out and sit quietly and close your eyes. Then see yourself winning and saying over and over “I got this” – ” I can do it” – do not let any negative thoughts or self doubt creep in and keep on doing it.
How To More Confident In Common Scenario’s Tips
- Kissing – Believe it or not but this comes up quite a lot and I even had a conversation with my 17 year old the other day because he was asking girls whether or not he was a good kisser or not. Now someone might tell you or they might not. But take your time again practice makes perfect and you might have kiss a few frogs to perfect your technique but when you meet the right person and fall in love you won’t have to ask this. Your lips will fit perfectly and you will both adapt the way you kiss towards each other. So don’t stress out about this one just give it your best shot and you will know what was a good kiss or not.
- As a leader – Confidence is key in leadership positions so your audience will expect you to be knowledgeable, speak with authority, understand the audience and listen to their questions. If you are in this position then the best thing you can do if you want to be successful, is go through your material and speak with confidence. Take your time when you deliver your message, make it informative and not too detailed unless needed, maintain your stature. If confidence is a problem again take moments of clarity to manifest the images in your head of delivering the perfect speech to the audience. I remember speaking in front of thousands for the first time and I was so nervous it was untrue, but I knew my topic and subject and after moments of opening your mouth the nerves tend to settle down most of the time.
- As a lover and confident in bed – This again is a case of practice makes perfect. Keep open communication with your partner and talk to them about what they like and don’t like. This does take confidence to ask, but you are much better off asking than fumbling through and them not enjoying themselves. So just pluck up the courage on this one and talk to them and your confidence will grow together as you work out what works best for the both of you. Don’t worry about making a fool of yourself if you have this type of open communication you will both laugh when things don’t work out. So be open minded.
- Being assertive – This is really hard for some people because they don’t like to tell other people what to do. Assertive behavior when accompanied by good manners however is a good thing. This corresponds to saying no to people as well as an attribute that most of us have to learn to do more of. It takes a little bit of courage but be assertive with a please and then a thank you and people will respect you for giving them the guidance they needed in the first place. Once you get used to being assertive it can make you feel quite powerful in some ways so practice it regularly to give your confidence a super boost.
- Being chatty and outgoing – Awh people do seem to have lost the art of communication now and this is one way to really improve your confidence through conversation. The thing I do hear is I ask questions and listen carefully to the answers. You quite often find something that, that person is interested in which gives them the confidence to discuss more with you. Try writing questions down you would like to ask the person and then go for your life. It is always better to fill the silences than have big gaps of awkwardness.
- Everyday life in general – Whether you want to know how to be more confident with your girfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, horse riding, in bed, during exams, in an interview, in conversation, in groups, speaking, singing. Then my message is the same to you. Keep pushing yourself and your confidence boundaries, don’t give up and don’t give in trying. If you can get over the initial anxiety of pushing yourself you will be one step further to success.
So they are my thoughts on how to be more confident and I know it isn’t easy and you have to push yourself through lots of comfort zones but you will get there with practice.
My confidence was knocked massively when my last wife left me and I decided to put a transformation program together that you can find at https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk it will help you too. Because building your confidence is a load of steps you need to take to also give kindness, give love, treat people with respect, believe in yourself and this program will help you get there with my help.
So give it a shot and I’ll see you on the inside and in the meantime have lots of fun in life. Best wishes Scott