How much do you listen to other people? In today’s society it is easy not to listen to people because of the distractions that occur on a daily basis. Phones pinging, Watsapp dinging, facebook messenger ringing you name it there are so many distractions it makes it hard to concentrate.
By listening to others though and using the art of communication it is amazing what you can find out, not only about yourself but about others too.
A good example of this is mental health. It is an embarrassing subject for a lot of people and takes an enormous amount of courage to get things of your chest. However over the years I have been working with people talking about these thoughts and feelings you will find that so many other people feel exactly the same way.
I wrote a really good article on controlling your thoughts will change your destiny you can find here. It is insightful in the fact and linked to this subject by helping to control your thoughts by listening to others.
As another example I had a lovely lady working for me who phoned me so upset she was in tears. Someone on a conference call had really upset her and she didn’t know what to do. She thought she was doing a really bad job and took everything this lady said to heart.
After talking to her about it at length I asked her whether she had asked this lady why she had acted in the way she did? Of course she said no as no one really likes confrontation. When done in the right way however confrontation can be used as a learning tool.
So I advised her to call this lady and say that she had taken the information she had given personally and that she wanted to fix things before they got out of hand. To her surprise the lady said that she had been suffering from really bad back pain and was in absolute agony and she didn’t realize her behaviour.
She profusely apologized and the two of them now had a relationship that bloomed through honesty and collaboration. You see unless we openly communicate with people and listen to them we have no idea what is the cause of the problem.
The same rings through for children. My daughter who I absolutely adore us currently 6 years old. Occasionally she will have an outburst in the car and just start shouting at me for absolutely no reason. Now I could do the normal thing and shout back at her which would probably just make her even more angry.
Or I could ask her some questions. How are you feeling? Do you feel frustrated? What is making you feel like this? Do you feel sad? What we can we do to make you feel better? Would you like me to be quiet for a bit?
By listening to their answers you will be surprised at what they come out with. Generally they are just frustrated, excited and full of emotions that they just cannot control. The thing is if you take all this personally it is you that is taking this to heart when actually they are just venting and will stop shortly.
I normally wait a while and then tickle her leg and smile at her and then she usually starts laughing and we can start again. Then she is more open to telling me about how she is feeling emotionally.
By listening this makes things so much easier to help others and understand their behaviour. Sometimes we just have outburst, we all have them but the instant reaction is to just shout back but as you have probably realized this just does not work.
If you want to know more about getting your kids to respect you I did a really good video here you can check out.
Listening sometimes will also point out your own flaws too. In relationships it is so important to listen to each other and your feelings. After all we all want to be happy and to be loved but how can we achieve this if we do not know how the person is feeling?
I always ask my fiancé to tell me what is on her mind because I have realized that in every situation that we are in that she will see a different side of things than I do.
I could say something that I have no clue would upset her or make her mind go off on a journey and question herself as to the answer. We all have a tendency to jump to conclusions and make our own view points. This however can only ever be balanced or resolved when you both understand exactly what was meant in the conversation.
Listening is interesting, hearing about how people feel helps you to understand your feelings too. People will tell you all sorts if you engage them in conversation.
I have met so many people on my journey through life that have helped me dramatically improve my life through opportunities that they have offered me. I did an important video on looking for opportunities you can find here.
When my last wife left me out of the blue although I couldn’t change her thoughts or feelings I still listened to her. I still asked her what I could do to improve myself so I didn’t do the same things again and make the same mistakes next time either.
By listening to her I found about myself which I was extremely grateful for and I have carried this over to my new relationship and it really has allowed me to make sure that I cherish every moment I have with my new fiancé.
Self criticism is a really important thing to learn in life. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. But if you can take feedback about your behaviour you will be setup for life because you will be able to control situations and relationships much better in the future.
Just listening and learning and not judging others will open your eyes to a completely new world. I did a video n being nice to others and the power of conversation you can find here.
If you would like to improve your life in everyway and live a life of happiness then feel free to join my transformation program where you will get daily videos on improving your life and how I improved mine. You can find out more here. https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk
All the best in lifes journey Scott