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Change Your Life Articles

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These are all are articles on changing your life. For daily tips and tricks to live the best life you can drop in today to find out more

Modern Day Selfcare – How You Can Help Yourself From Home

These days, with most of us choosing to stay home, there are more ways to consider looking after yourself. This guide is only for slight changes in your life, for any serious health concerns, please speak to your doctor.

Mental Health Is Just As Important As Physical Health

Aside from the obvious benefits you have from physical health, your mental health is just as important to look after. Think of it as a limb of your body, you will want it to be the best it can possibly be.

There are many small things you can do to help boost your mental health, such as doing things you enjoy, taking yourself out of negative situations, and more importantly, seeking professional help when you need it.

There are a number of services to speak to about your mental health, you can speak to your GP and go down the NHS route, or use a local counselling service, as well as a messaging/call mental health charity.

Self Care Image Saying Out Of Order
Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

Eye Strain

There are more and more screens coming into our homes in the modern world, from phones, tablets, computers to even smart fridges! Our eyes can get overwhelmed by all this, especially if you’re working with screens away from home, too.

Consider taking regular breaks from time to time, to help break up eye contact and allowing your eyes to readjust without any pain.

Breathing Exercises

There’s a lot that can be said for taking some extra time out of your day to regulate your breathing patterns. Which is why some smart watches will notify users to slow down and control their breath along to their pattern for a minute each day.

These little daily tasks will help your day run smoother, as well as letting your body release any stress you’ve been holding in all day.

Similarly, consider taking up yoga. Daily yoga can help stretch out your body and give you chances to take part in breathing exercises alongside.

Less Snacking

Whilst snacking in moderation can be a lovely treat from time to time, constant snacking can lead to fatigue, weight gain, bad sleep and elevated inflammatory markers. Usually, snacks come in small packages, allowing us to eat more of them at once than we perhaps otherwise would, considering the high number of calories that go into each snack.

Instead of snacking as much, look into having regular meals at the same points of the day, where possible. Your body will get used to the timed meals, and will know when to expect food. Of course, it’s not always possible, due to busy life schedules, but do what you can.

One effective way of reducing snack consumption is to invest into weight loss meal replacement shakes. How these shakes work, is that they digest slowly over a period of four hours, meaning you won’t be hungry and tempted to snack, until it’s time for a substantial meal.

The shakes offered by Shake That Weight are packed calcium casein whey protein isolate, with all the essential amino acid, as well as essential vitamins and minerals too. You can learn more here to see what they’re all about, and browse the different flavours available.

Home Gyms

Even if you don’t have the largest space to work with, you can get some gym equipment at home, utilising the available space. With some bigger equipment, such as treadmills and indoor bikes, you can get versions that are foldable, allowing for easy storage such as under the bed or in a cupboard.

In fact, almost any equipment that you would find at a gym will also be available at home in some capacity. That’s not to say you have to go all out and dedicate a whole room to this equipment, you can do it in moderation.

All you need to start with are some free hand weights really. There are a number of different exercise routines you can do with these weights. Even without weights, you can do some non-equipment-based workouts, such as press ups and cardio all from one square foot of space, if you so choose to.

NHS Online Services

Of course, sometimes looking after yourself means knowing when to seek professional help. When you feel like that, and it’s not an emergency, you can always visit the NHS website to seek out advice and information on self-care, condition, treatments and medicines.

They can offer a range of health and care services from either home, on the move via your smartphone. Even your local GP surgery will have a website set up for a range of online health matters. Such as sending a consultation form with your issues to your GP, or ordering repeat prescriptions through the system.

Sometimes, and this was increased by COVID-19, you’ll also be offered the chance to have consultations via a video call, allowing you to get physical issues that may be harder to explain seen, just like an in-person appointment.

The NHS also offer and endorse a number of apps for your use, such as Liva UK, a tool that allows for self-help plans for long term conditions, or the more recently used NHS COVID-19 app, that allows for contact tracing.

Cut Bad Habits

Some of the issues we’ve already touched upon can be considered bad habits, such as snacking and drinking too much fizzy drinks. If possible, try to change up these bad habits over time. Don’t completely cut off instantly, as this could lead to withdrawal and temptation down the line.

The classic example for this, is smoking. If you smoke, you’ll find it difficult to instantly quit and not go back, this is why nicotine patches and vapes were invented. Switching to vaping allows users to lower their nicotine amount slowly over time, whilst still enjoying the sensation of smoking.

It must also be mentioned, that vapes don’t have any tar, so they are also slightly better than you.

Before taking up vaping, however, speak to your doctor for professional help. In general, they should be able to advise you about any bad habit in your life, and help you get on the right path.


Despite being at home, there are still many opportunities for socialising. Gone are the days when the only time you could see friends were at the pub, in this digital world that we find ourselves in, you can socialise from the comfort of your bed 24/7.

The most obvious way is, of course, via messaging and phone calls. This can be done either with or without a camera. However, there are other ways too.

Online gaming is increasing player demands every year, which saw a drastic rise during the coronavirus pandemic. Online games offer a variety of different genres, modes and player amounts to give almost everyone the option to video game and talk.

You can do this with friends in a controlled closed off manor where It’s just you, or you can go online with strangers and speak to other people like you. The options are truly unlimited when it comes to socialising via gaming.

Away from gaming, you can always use video applications such as Zoom to see family and friends that are far away or temporarily inaccessible. Socialising is important for your mental health.

Do These Things If Your Having a Bad Day

If your having a bad day one thing is for sure and that is, if you take it out on others your day will only get worse. Sometimes things could definitely be worse and currently, we are living through a pandemic and India is taking a massive hit for the worse at the moment. Good thing there are great companies around like Entain that have donated over £100,000 to the cause, however.

But seeing other people’s grief does not make you feel any better on your bad day though either. As you will generally only care about how you are feeling, which is what we would normally all do. So no one else will understand how you are actually feeling unless you tell them specifically that you are just having a bad day and tell them. If you are having a great day playing PartyCasino however I am sure that they will notice the difference in your mood. So no two views of a situation will ever be the same.

Image by Jessica Wood from Pixabay

So how can you make a bad day disappear like it never happened? Well it can be easier than you think if you approach things in the right way and look at it from a sensible perspective. Read our top tips below.

How to get over a bad day and turn it into an amazing one instead

  1. Don’t take it out on other people. The last thing you should do when you are in a bad mood is take it out on others. If you do this then they will just think that you are being rude or narky and will most likely probably hold this against you in the future as well. Impressions of people are really important and if you are giving off the impression that you are a moody bum to others then they will think that is the case. People always judge others and hold memories of this so please do not take your moods out on other people. We should always look to make a difference to other people’s lives and think about the grassroots of our behaviour.
  2. Take some time out. Once you know that you are having a bad day, then take some time out. Go for a walk or get some time on your own so that you can work out why you are feeling the way you are and turn it around with a smile on your face instead. We all instantly react to things in life and sometimes cannot help taking things personally and sometimes this just sparks us off in a bad mood anyway. So give yourself some time to think about things and just calm down.
  3. Don’t let other people upset you. We can all let other people’s words and judgements or actions upset us but we shouldn’t. They could just be having a bad day and they have taken it out on you. They could have lost a load of money gambling and just lash out with horrible words to you or treat you rudely. Just because someone is rude or horrible to you does not mean that you should then take it personally. Just shrug your shoulders and think idiot, they will calm down later when they have gambled themselves back into a positive position they will be a different person.
  4. Shrug it off. Sometimes life is a pain in the bum and it sends us massive blows that are hard to deal with. But the one thing we cannot do is change any of it, all we can do is change the way that we react to it instead. In the past week alone, my muns dogs were shot by a farmer, my wife mum died tragically and all of this could send you into a spin. One massive really bad day that is hard to get over. But as I said you cannot change these things, you just have to learn how to deal with them in the best way possible instead. It really is easy to curl up in a ball and not deal with your bad day but this will only make things worse. Learning how to deal with situations is paramount in order to live a happy lifestyle.
  5. Things do and will get better. There are such forces out in the universe whether you believe in them or not that do make things worse when you are having a bad day and do make things better if you can get over your bad day. I always look at bad things when they happen and think, what was the reason for that, looking back later on you will always see a reason for it of some sorts and this could be a good thing or a bad thing, but we can always learn from those things and make sure we don’t react or do the same thing again in the future either. So if you can stay a little bit positive no matter what happens things will get better a lot quicker.
  6. Master your emotions. Everything we think is down to our thoughts. All the things that happen around us are our perception of what is happening and we deal with things, how we have been taught to react. So for instance, if you do have a gambling addiction of some sort, then every time you tell yourself to go and do it, no one else is doing this but you. Although it sounds easy the only person that can stop you from doing anything is yourself. By making a conscious decision to say no to yourself, you can move past things, they might come back and tempt you occasionally but this will be less frequent. So when you actually realise that is your own thoughts that control your destiny you can think about anything you want to. This is one of the key skills to learn in life is to deal with your thoughts in a positive manner as they are your own thoughts.
  7. Cheer yourself up. Just accept that today was a really bad day and do something to cheer yourself up and take your mind of it. if you sit around feeling sorry for yourself, your thought process will kick in and just make you feel worse. Smiling and laughter is the best medicine for anything in life, so shrug it off as above, move on and know that tomorrow things will get a lot better moving forward.
  8. Take your mind off it. The more you think about something the worse it will get. Because you will play the situation over and over in your head. Quite often probably making up another story and expanding bad thoughts on your already bad day. We cannot make judgments of what other people would do or think, what we think is not the same as everyone else either. I can guarantee you that if you have a conversation with someone that they will interpret it differently than you. So if your bad day is caused by someone else, then just reach out and talk to them about it as it is quite likely they could be having a really bad day themselves too. I remember a girl that worked for me thought that her boss on a project hated her. I told her to speak to the lady in question and she did. It turns out the lady didn’t realize that she was being rude at all and that was in really bad pain with her back and so came across in the wrong way. They are now the best of friends and get along really well because they had an open and honest conversation together.

Common Questions About Having a Bad Day

  1. How do you fix a bad day? There are a number of things that you can do to fix a bad day. You can ignore it and just let it pass and just do something to take your mind off it. You can accept that it was a bad day and move on. You can something kind and considerate for someone else that will take your mind of it. I like this one because doing nice things for others always makes me feel better inside anyway. Give yourself some thinking time by going for a long walk. Nothing is as bad as it seems when you have time to think about things properly. Having moments of clarity will help you make the right decisions. Because everything is on demand in today’s world it is easy to get sucked into it and make rash quick decisions that you may regret later. But also remember everyone else feels like this too. Everyone is walking around frustrated and some days you will have great days and others not so great, that is just life. The quicker you accept this the easier it is to deal with.
  2. Is it okay to have a bad day? Of course, it is, sometimes you just wake up in a bad mood right? Nothing particularly wrong you just don’t feel great and cannot put your finger on what it is. This is just normal and everyone feels like that occasionally too. You just have to motivate yourself enough to keep on going through the day and look for the little pleasures that will make you smile again. I get up and go to the gym at 5:15 a.m as it sets me up for the day and I am much less likely to be affected by other people’s moods or problems throughout the day.
  3. How to stop a bad day? Make a conscious decision to let it pass. You have heard the saying sleep on it. Well when anything ever goes bad for me I go to sleep knowing when I wake up things will be different. We deal with things differently at different times. Often if we leave thinking about things then clarity will come through. You just have to stop those thoughts you get coming through telling you everything is crap, the world is falling apart, no one loves me and all that overstuff our personal demons try and throw at us. So just take your mind of it, do something to cheer yourself up and know that whatever it is will get sorted eventually anyway.
  4. What to do when you have a bad day at school? School can be tough sometimes, right? Other kids can be cruel, you are bored and probably don’t enjoy being there very much. Life is to be lived however though and we all deserve to live a happy life. So if you are struggling at school, try and join a team or a club where you can get involved and meet like-minded people along the way to cheer you up.
  5. Having a bad day mentally? Anxiety and depression what a nightmare they are. They come out of the blue and knock you for six sometimes. All you can do with this is be kind to yourself and not let your thoughts destroy you. Slow everything down and say no sometimes. Anxiety comes from the pressure and stress of doing things, in this fast-moving world we all need to learn to just slow down and give ourselves some much-needed relaxing time so that we can think straight. Sometimes you will have bad days, but like above, don’t take it out on others including yourself and don’t think this will last forever either it will pass.

So there you have it my hints and tips on what to do if you are having a bad day. Go out there and live life and enjoy it have fun and play games at PartyCasino , have fun in life. Wake up smiling and say to yourself that today is going to be the best day ever and if you need help getting over your bad day then check out my transformation program at https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk where I help you through daily videos live a happier lifestyle.

Keep smiling and catch you soon. Best wishes Scott

8 Tips for People Living with Depression

Depression is a mood disorder that may lead to perpetually feeling sad and disinterested in life.[1] If you are worried about your mental health, it’s important to remind yourself that you’re far from alone. According to scientific research, 7.1% of adults have experienced one episode of depression in their lifetimes. [2] Check out these practical tips on how to live with depression. 

Get Involved With Philanthropy

Helping other people not only is the right thing to do, it can have a positive impact on your mental health. Studies have shown that engaging in acts of giving or charity can actually lower your levels of stress and lead to less depression. [3] Volunteer at your local soup kitchen or sign up to clean a park or beach. Take this as a chance to really step out and get to know your community.

Get Professional Help

In order to get a handle on your depression, you should seek treatment from a psychologist or psychiatrist. If you’re struggling with negative thought patterns, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can assist you in identifying the root cause of the problem.[4] With the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist, you can find a way to manage your mental health issues.

Clean Your Home and Declutter

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you should tackle your to-do list and declutter your home. Having an overly messy room or home can lead to heightened levels of stress and anxiety. [5] By cleaning your room and throwing away all those things you no longer need, you can regain a sense of control over your life.

Create A Schedule For Yourself

When you’re in between jobs or relationships, it can get pretty easy to start feeling aimless and hopeless. Without structure, you can have increased feelings of stress, poor eating habits, and issues sleeping. [6] On top of that, one of depression’s symptoms can make it harder to stick to a daily schedule due to fatigue and lethargy. [7]  Get a whiteboard or planner and stick to a daily schedule. Start off your day with a peaceful walk and then move on to tackling what you need to do.

Improve Your Sleep

Having sleep issues can lead to depression. [8] There are numerous ways to improve your sleep. Here are a few[9]:

  •  Get plenty of exercise.
  •  Limit the amount of technology you use at night.
  •  Avoid caffeine consumption or don’t consume it later in the day.

Exercise Regularly

When you exercise, your brain releases endorphins —a chemical that can make you feel better. [10] If you’re just getting into exercise and are unsure about what to do, reach out to friends who are more experienced and see which workout routines and classes they enjoy.

Eat Better

You should be mindful of how what you’re eating can affect your mood. It’s recommended that you eat foods that are high in fiber and rich with omega-3s, selenium, and vitamin D. [11] Improving your diet can also be a fun social activity!  Invite friends over to a dinner party once you’ve perfected a delicious dish.

Reach Out To People

Being depressed can make you socially isolated. On the flip side, being socially isolated may also lead to depression. [12] Do you feel lonely? Sign up for an activity to meet new people or reach out to your social network. You never know which one of your old friends is also waiting for someone to reach out.

Don’t Give Up Hope

If you want to fight depression,  it’s important to have a positive attitude and never give up hope for things to get better. Stay open minded to new treatments, therapies, and strategies.

[1] https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007

[2] https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression.shtml

[3] https://health.clevelandclinic.org/why-giving-is-good-for-your-health/

[4] https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-behavior-therapy-2795747

[5] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/high-octane-women/201203/why-mess-causes-stress-8-reasons-8-remedies

[6] https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/health-benefits-of-having-a-routine

[7] https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/recognizing-symptoms

[8] https://www.sleepfoundation.org/mental-health/depression-and-sleep

[9] https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/17-tips-to-sleep-better

[10] https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/the-mental-health-benefits-of-exercise.htm

[11] https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/diet#Foods-that-Might-Help

[12] https://publichealth.tulane.edu/blog/effects-of-social-isolation-on-mental-health/

The Two Secrets To Life – They Are Not What You Think

Lots of people come up with ideas on the secret to life and in my experience they couldn’t be further from the truth. But the truth in my life is probably going to be different than yours and whether you believe what I say below will be based on how open minded you are about life itself.

The two real secrets to life are mastering your thoughts and experiences. Once you learn to master the thoughts that you control and you learn in life through experience, then you will find that you take control of your life. Once you take control of your life, then happiness will follow. Lots of people get caught up in trying to be something they are not, competing with others and this just leads to sadness. So check out all the tips below, frequently asked questions, and the podcast transcript and see if you can see the secret of life and the universe yourself too.

My Top Tips On Controlling Your Thoughts And Living Through Experiences

  1. Your thoughts – Absolutely everything that you think in life is created through your thoughts, experiences, and education. Your expectations in life are created by your own values. You choose to be healthy, you choose to be kind, you choose to be upset, you choose to work hard, you choose to give up, you choose to be unhappy or happy. Everything that you think drives who you are and what you stand for and nothing else. When you control these obsessive intrusive thoughts and turn them into something positive and learn from them, you will take control of your life.
  2. Your values will change – Most people are sticklers to how they are educated and stick to the values they are brought up with. These values however are based on other factors and unless you have experienced 1000’s of instances of the same thing or thoughts, then you cannot make a judgment on something. As an example, breaking wind and burping in England is frowned upon and seen as rude, in other cultures however it is seen as a sign of appreciation for the meal you have just eaten. There are millions of examples such as this but be prepared to change your values as you experience more people and situations in your life. Be open-minded to new things and different approaches in life.
  3. Your story in life – Our backgrounds are our backgrounds. We cannot go back and change them, we cannot do anything about them either. So living your life based on this will stop you from finding the true secret to life. That story will hold you back and give you an excuse not to do more in life. We can all change our lives at the drop of a hat if we want to but using our story as an excuse will not get you to where you want to be.
  4. Stop peeing yourself off – Everyone suffers from narkiness, unexplained moments where we are frustrated and angry at things. You have to stop passing the buck and blaming others for this and know that it is your own thoughts that are creating a real problem. An example. in a relationship and when you are living with someone else, you are both going to do things that annoy each other. Leaving clothes on a chair, toothpaste in the sink, not washing dishes properly, or whatever it is. But if you get yourself annoyed about this and end up hating the other person for it, then that is your choice to have those thoughts. The sensible thing to do is to have a chat with them and ask them to stop it or just let it go. People generally do not do things to annoy us, it is the things they do that we annoy ourselves about due to our own values and thought process. So it is our thinking that has to change so that we do not get annoyed over stupid things.
  5. Don’t compare your abilities to someone else – Confidence is key in life. We all have our own skills in life and they will be very different from someone else’s. So having those thoughts about I am not as good as them, or I will never be as good as them, will get you nowhere in life. You will have thought that you are second best and doubting yourself and your own ability. You are different remember that and there will be things that the other person thinks they are not as good as you at too. So always strive to be the best that you can be in life and don’t judge yourself next to others.
  6. Dealing with frustration – Frustration is the biggest thing that creates arguments. We take our crap out on other people and expect them to take it. Kids do this all the time, they don’t want to scream and shout at you but they don’t know how to communicate properly. If you are frustrated in any way shape or form with anything, go away, come back with a calm approach and clarity of mind. Then deal with it, never take your frustrations out on others as you will say and do things you regret later.
  7. Don’t go down the rabbit hole – Don’t let other people suck you into their story. If they are trying to bring you down through frustration or whatever other means, do not rise to the bait. As soon as you start to retaliate you will get in a tit for tat argument that will only upset you both. Again stay calm and try and talk about the problems and not react to them.
  8. Believe in yourself – Learn not to question yourself all the time about things. Remember the stories that you are making up in your head are not real, the self-doubt, the excuses, the objections are all things that are just stopping you from moving forward. Learn to overcome these thoughts and think about positive outcomes instead of seeing the negative in things. The Universe works in a strange way and negativity breeds negativity, positivity breeds positivity. You have to turn those thoughts around and do something to counter them with an action to stop them.
  9. Stand up for yourself – Do not let anyone mess with your thoughts, their words, their actions are their own behaviors to correct. They are not your problem and people can be cruel. So do not take any crap from anyone and stand up for yourself. Even if that standing up just means letting go of what they said or did.
  10. The only thing that matters – In life if you are kind and considerate, work hard and put every effort that you can into life, then you are doing your utmost best. So your own mental health and stability is the most important thing you need to think about. That means letting your thoughts go and only reacting to real events, your thoughts are just stories, and learning to control the outcome of these into a positive idea is paramount to finding the secret to life. If you can really learn that those stories in your head are just stories, then you will pacify your mind and concentrate on overcoming the true and real obstacles that are standing in your way of enjoying life.
  11. Experience – Life is meant to be fun, we are not meant to punish ourselves through negative thinking, we are meant to be open-minded, kind, and caring people. So stop making stories up in your life about what other people think of you, be proud of who you are, and hang around with people who will support you and help you through life. Help others and it will come back to you through Karma. Be open-minded about life, people, and experiences. Have your own opinions but do not force them upon others, see that everyone is limited to their own thoughts and experiences. One day they will see the secret to life or they won’t. But that is not your problem, your job is to control your thoughts and experience life through rose-tinted glasses and just enjoy the journey.
  12. Your experiences do not dictate the future – Often or not we are held back by bad experiences in life. You quite often hear divorced people say they would never get married again…. I say cobblers, I have been married 3 times now and I am still learning to be a great husband. Quite often just because you have had a bad outcome in life, does not mean that it will happen again in the future. Just because someone has let you down, does mean that everyone will. Just because someone has betrayed your trust, does not mean everyone will. You should learn from these experiences but do not create stories making out that everything is like that because it is not. The law of averages means lightning never strikes twice (apart from the really unlucky chap that got hit 3 times in one night that is). But do not let bad experiences hold you back, just learn from it and make sure next time you have a more positive outcome.
Secret To Life
Secret To Life – Photo by Vlada Karpovich from Pexels

The Secret To Life Podcast Transcript

0 (1s):
Hi there and welcome to the podcast@changeyourlifeforever.co.uk and it’s Scott, your host talking. And today I wanted to talk about the secret to life because there isn’t it what everyone is looking for. And most people associate kind of the secret to life or the secrets of life, or whatever you want to call her with happiness and happiness kind of is the overall point that people want to get to in life, to be happy, to be content, to enjoy life and everything else.

0 (36s):
But there is one thing that stops you from getting there, and kinda what I wanted to talk about with the secret today is it’s all about your thoughts. It’s all about your experiences in life and the secret of everything is being able to control your thoughts and to be able to experience more in life.

0 (1m 6s):
Now, happiness obviously is the ultimate place that everyone wants to be, but it isn’t a fundamental factor that you can get there without understanding and controlling your thoughts and what I mean by that is, most of the time, most people in life, you know, you probably have a couple of job interviews. You probably get married once, you probably have a couple of kids. And that experience is very, very limited. And what I mean by limited is you only get one shot at it, maybe two shots at it before you actually realize the type of person you are and how you react to different situations.

0 (1m 51s):
So, it’s like when I got divorced for the first time, it was absolutely awful. It was kind of like a childhood sweetheart, you know, two kids, two boys, the marriage falling apart, it was just horrible. It was the worst experience I think I have ever gone through in my life. Now that didn’t stop me from moving forward in life because I always had this vision that I wanted to have a happy marriage.

0 (2m 23s):
I wanted to have kids and I met someone else and I got married again. But this time I learned from the first marriage about the mistakes that I made and the experiences that I had and I didn’t want to make those same mistakes again. I wanted to be a better person, but when someone else is in your life, there are expectations of what they want from you might be very different from what your previous wife or your previous relationship could have been like.

0 (2m 53s):
So Unfortunately again, I got divorced a second time. And before you start thinking that I’m like a serial divorcist or anything. It really wasn’t my fault. And if you know my story you’ll understand the background of this, but the second divorce was nowhere near as painful because I had already experienced the things that were going to happen in the first instance. So I knew what was going to happen, I knew the process of getting divorced, I knew the process for financial order’s and divorce papers and moving out of the home, selling your assets, all those sorts of stuff.

0 (3m 35s):
So via those experiences, every time you experience something it gets easier next time, if you willing to learn about that experience in the first place and I’m now married again for the third time, this time, I think I’ve got it right. 100%. Right. You know, and all the things that I’m learning about my self are about the thoughts that you have, the things that you think about, the thoughts that would come in and make you feel unhappy in your life.

0 (4m 8s):
And we can all do it. You know your wife upsets you or your partner upsets you and you sit there going there a blooming idiot, he doesn’t like me, they are letting me down, they do this, they do that. But they’re just thoughts, that other person that you’re with has no idea that your thinking that, and you might take it out on them and be in a mood or whatever, but they’ve got absolutely no idea. And all of a sudden what can happen is you can make up these stories in your head, you can go down a pathway where those thoughts that you’re having can make up massive, massive story’s.

0 (4m 45s):
And before you know it, you have convinced yourself of something that was never real in the first place, but your mind still lives through that story, we can create unhappiness, by living in those stories that we make up. And it’s absolutely ridiculous because our minds are there to protect us they are there, to look after us to take care of us, but sometimes they are wrong. And those thoughts lead you down an avenue of unhappiness.

0 (5m 18s):
So the secret of life to me is looking at those thoughts and transposing those for what they are. They are just thoughts. And if they are there to protect you and they are there to help you, then understanding what those thoughts mean and the impact that they have long term will really allow you to understand more about yourself and more about Life. What I mean by that is if you’re getting into an argument consistently with somebody, you know that you have to solve that argument, or you’ve got to walk away, you know, that whatever you say is going to be taken literally by that person and you can ruin a relationship by thinking for that person before you even have that conversation.

0 (6m 50s):
But they’re your thoughts that is your story. It isn’t their story and unless you give people the opportunity to tell you their story then getting your story right in the first place is a really, really difficult thing to do. And what I mean by experiences, it’s like with anxiety, isn’t it? The first time anybody has an anxiety attack, you think the world is falling apart. You are so scared of what is happening to you, that you have than a fear of it happening again, because your story in your mind, your thoughts have completely taken you down an avenue that you can’t cope with. Or that you can’t do something that the world is falling apart. And you convince yourself through that story that you can’t cope. When actually that’s just one instance of it happening and the more anxiety attacks that you get, the more that it happens, if you look at your thoughts your feelings, you understand that, that it’s a natural part of Life to be nervous, to feel anxious, to feel uncomfortable, to question yourself, to question other people, to look at situations, you understand that it is just an experience.

0 (7m 30s):
It’s the story that you make up in your head about that experience becoming real. That is the frightening thing. But when you learn that it is just an experience and you can breathe through it, you are going to experience it, so feel comfortable with it, then the anxiety starts to go away and you become less scared because you know that you are gonna experience that. It’s something in life that we all are going to go through and the fight or flight mechanism can come up all over the shop, but the more you experience it.

0 (8m 7s):
And the more you realize that they’re your thoughts there, your story that is making up that problem. You’re gonna have an issue if you can’t do something the worse it gets. And the reason I know this is because I had a major driving problem. And every time I got in the car, I had a panic attack and I couldn’t drive the car. And if I could, I would have to pull over and get someone to come and pick me up and it took me years to realize that I was using my own personal story in my head, that every time I thought about driving I would think I was going to have a panic attack.

0 (8m 41s):
I had a fear of doing it and it even put me off driving completely. Then when I met my new wife, she got in the car with me and she’d say, it’s fine. If you have an issue, I’ll take over. And if I started to panic and she would say, it’s okay, your driving well, you were doing good, everything is oriet. And she talked to me and it made me realize that this was the story in my head. And sometimes it would happen. And sometimes it wouldn’t, but that story existed until I realized that, that was just a story.

0 (9m 16s):
I am a good driver. I can drive without any problems I can drive without having an anxiety attack. I can get in the car and go and do whatever I want to. And those feelings start to subside. When you realize it is just your own thoughts that are making you feel this way. Through other experiences people say, why are you so good at doing presentations? Because I do a lot of presentations. Do I have those stories and thoughts of, Oh my God, I’m scared?

0 (9m 48s):
You know, what’s, everyone going to think there are three hundred people in the room all that sort of stuff is just a story. But when you realize it’s the story, and you just go out there and you relax and you go, they’re gonna enjoy my content. It’s going to be a great presentation. I’m going to be able to answer all questions. And you look at it without questioning yourself, without taking yourself down that user journey. It makes things so much easier. And the same with interviews, most people probably only do two interviews in a whole lifetime, three interviews, maybe five at the most, I’ve done probably 15 interviews this year.

0 (10m 29s):
And every time that you go to those interviews, you perform better. You learn not to question yourself. You don’t take yourself down the user journey of what, if this goes wrong, what if I don’t get the job. What if I make an idiot of myself, that’s your story and those things only happen when you question yourself about those things. And that is the true secret to life is realizing that we panic ourselves. We make up our own stories.

0 (11m 0s):
We question ourselves we self doubt ourselves, we mess relationships up, we do wrong things. We make mistakes. And when you realize that all those things are just a pathway in life, there just things that will happen, and you can be kind, learn to apologize and make up for things and just take care of yourself. Then life does become easier. But you have to realize that most of the problems that we have are self-generated through our own thoughts and our own feelings.

0 (11m 35s):
And if you can master and conquer those emotions, then you’re much better than anybody else to move forward in life because you won’t question yourself. You won’t have that self-doubt. You will know that you are driven. And if something doesn’t work out, it’s fine because you will have another plan of what else you can do instead. And it’s stopping that worrying in your mind. It’s stopping, taking yourself down that journey, worrying about 50 million different things that really do not matter.

0 (12m 10s):
So when you keep your mind occupied with moving forward in life? Your mind is occupied with the good stuff and the more good things that happen. The more your mind does good user stories, you envisage getting your new car, having the lifestyle you want, having the friendships you want too. Like, but when you get stuck in negative user stories, your mind can take you off on a journey that you don’t want to go on. So it’s how you look at yourself and position your thoughts and question those thoughts.

0 (12m 45s):
Is this really real? Would that really happen? No, it’s not going to happen. You change the way you think about something and you put a positive spin on it. and you say, I am not going to feel like this. I want the outcome to look like this instead and get used to telling yourself positive user stories, envisage the good things that are going to happen. Not bad things. And when you can switch your mind in that way, you would have mastered your own mind, your own thoughts.

0 (13m 18s):
You won’t question yourself. You will just learn in life. You will become a superhero in life and the rest of your life will fall into place. Everything will fall into place. And then if you combine that with all the other great stuff of kind of keeping yourself fit and healthy, nutritious diet, you know, having goals and plans in life, then you can tie all that together to getting absolutely everything that you want in life.

0 (13m 50s):
And then happiness will follow, which is the ultimate goal because you will feel a sense of achievement. You’ll stop questioning yourself. You’ll stop feeling like a failure. You’ll stop not doing things because you will have a go at it. And that’s all it takes is your mind to understand that everything that goes on in your mind is your story and that can be a good story or a bad story, but it’s up to you to control what that story is.

0 (14m 21s):
So every day, try and turn your story into a positive one and you will master the secrets of life.

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Frequently Asked Questions About The Secret To Life

  1. What is the secret to life? Life is what we make it and is controlled by our own thoughts and our own feelings. When we immerse ourselves in self-doubt, judgement of others, being unkind, not putting our all into life, hiding away, making excuses, criticising and giving up, then our lives become encaged in misery. So the secret to life is to work hard, be open-minded, control your thoughts, have more experiences, stop self-sabotage, have a go at things, be kind, enjoy the experience of life for bad or good, learn from our pasts and always strive to be a better person. We all make mistakes, we all do things wrong, but we should all have the right to live a happy life.
  2. What is the secret to happiness? Happiness is created from within. If you want a happy life then you have to do whatever you can to get the rewards and recognition you need to feel fulfilled in life. By helping others and doing your very best and then reaping the rewards of that pleasure, will provide you with more than enough happiness to live your life. Live freely without judgement on your terms and be kind to others and help and aid them. Enjoy life because you can.
  3. What is perfect in life? We are all perfect in our own way. Anything can become perfect through the eyes of the beholder. The only ugliness we see is what we perceive through our own thoughts and our education. If everyone had a birthmark on their face, that would be acceptable, but they haven’t, so people judge those that do instead. So free your mind from your education and limited perception and experience life and the people in it and see your mind open to a bigger, better and wider World.
  4. What is a deep secret? Is one that you have a fear of telling other people. I can tell you that most of us have the weirdest thoughts, the weirdest encounters and you should never feel ashamed to tell other people. As long as you have not wronged someone in any way. Most people have lived through similar experiences, we all just see different things as a result of it.
  5. How can I be happy? Honestly, the answer to this is, don’t listen to your negative thoughts. Take control of your life and your destiny and enjoy life. Work hard, strive to live a life that you deserve. Do everything you can to meet your goals and experience life as a learning curve with ups and downs. Don’t be sad when you can be making new friends, making new experiences. Don’t wait for life to come to you, go out there and grab it with both hands,

So that is everything that I can think of on the secret of life. Life is meant to be enjoyed and if you are struggling with your thoughts or need a little help in life. Then check out my transformation program below and don’t be shy, come and join me and experience the secrets of life in a different way.

Wishing you all the very best in the future Scott

Making Sure Life Is Enjoyable Every Single Day

We owe it to ourselves to make sure life is enjoyable. To look back on life and go wow what a wicked life I had. Do you remember when you were a child? Everything seems so much fun and everything is an adventure. As we get older however things change and life becomes more serious but it doesn’t have to be that way. So follow this page for our audio transcript, tips on how to enjoy life, and frequently asked questions about making life more enjoyable starting today.

Life Should Be Enjoyable Audio Transcript

0 (1s):
Hi there and welcome to the podcast for changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott your host talking. And today we are going to be talking about making sure life is enjoyable every single day, because you know, waking up every day with a smile on your face is a great way to start the day. But how many of us actually do it, how many of us have heard the term live every single day like it’s your last, but we don’t take notice of it, do we?

0 (33s):
Unfortunately, my wife’s friend, the other day, unfortunately got told she had stage 4 of cancer. And she’s had to go and tell her family and friends, everybody that she hasn’t got long to live, that she’s going to be on her last few days and starting chemotherapy and all sorts of things and when that becomes so close to you, you actually do realize that life should be enjoyable.

0 (1m 5s):
And making sure that life is enjoyable every single day should be within or own thoughts and our own minds. Sometimes we all think we are invincible don’t we, we all think we’re capable of great things. We’re invincible and nothing will ever happen to us we can let the everyday day pass us by, but when every day passes us by the week’s go quickly. The months go quickly and before we know it, we might not be enjoying life as much as we should be and its really down to us to overcome all the obstacles in life, to stop making excuses, to get over our self-doubts, to stop all the obsessive intrusive thoughts that make life un-enjoyable you know, you come in from work or you work at the same place for years and years.

0 (1m 56s):
You’re unhappy in your job. You come home, you know you’re home life, it rubs off there, you sit down and watch the tv. You don’t achieve anything there is no self-reward. There is no self-achievement at the end of the day, there is no rewards and recognition for what you do. And when you live life like that, it’s easy for that to form a habit. It’s easy for it to form into something that feels as if it’s impossible to change, but it’s not impossible to change.

Life Is enjoyable
Life is enjoyable – Photo by Renda Eko Riyadi from Pexels

0 (2m 26s):
And you can change your life in a fraction in a moment by looking at yourself, looking at what you want in life, looking at what you are capable of. If you don’t enjoy your job, get your CV together, get a job that you do enjoy. If you are having trouble with your family or your relationships, then fix those problems, learn how to communicate with people. Don’t argue. Arguments are futile to learn to understand who the people are around you.

0 (2m 56s):
What makes them tick? What value you can add to their lives and can to yours. Travel the world, go on adventures. Have a do it now, attitude that goes, yes, I am gonna do this. I am gonna plan for this. I am gonna make sure that life is enjoyable from now on. I’m gonna wake up with a smile on my face. I’m not gonna let any rude or horrible people ruin my day because I wanna feel good. I wanna feel great.

0 (3m 26s):
I wanna have an enjoyable life. I want to make sure that I can look back later on in life and think, wow, look at what I’ve done. Look at what I’ve achieved. And it’s so easy. Nowadays to get sucked into Life. Everybody is on the rat race. You know, we went to the pub the other night and a big family sat down at the table, you know, and everyone was on the phone, apart from the dad who looked miserable. But yeah, we need to learn to communicate again. We need to learn to understand that the value in life comes from getting rewards and recognition for what we do, for adding value to our own lives.

0 (4m 5s):
To other people’s lives to make sure that, what we want in life, is what we aim to achieve. And once you realize that life is for the taking, you can do anything that you want to. You can achieve anything that you want too. If you just put your mind to it and all those obsessive intrusive thoughts that come in, that stop you doing it, adjust your own thoughts there, your own thoughts that are stopping you, making life enjoyable.

0 (4m 34s):
I know kids are hard work and everything, but every single morning, wake up good morning and make sure that the kids are happy. You know, sit and talk to them. Don’t tell them off and just understand how they are feeling today. How are you getting on? Did you have a good day? What are your plans for the rest of the week? You know, are you going out with your friends? Are you gonna go to football or, or whatever? And you can get so much pleasure out of turning a bad situation, into a good situation.

0 (5m 6s):
Because half the time you can wake up in the morning and your feeling tired. You don’t want to go to work. The kids are doing your head in there, running around the house, creating havoc. You can’t get them ready for school. And before you know it, you’ve stressed yourself out. You go to work, you know your not really that focused. You’re not really that happy. But life shouldn’t be like that it should be fun. It should be enjoyable and you can do things to make it enjoyable by changing your mind about things, changing your perception of things, and waking up with a smile.

0 (5m 39s):
And if you have a purpose in your life, if you have a meaning in your life, then, you will always be striving towards that. And that can be either a passion. It can be something, a hobby. It can be anything that just drives you. That takes your mind off all the pressure. The stress, the anxiety but gives you something to aim for in life. Something that you can personally hold yourself accountable for, hold yourself responsible for, and then reap the rewards of doing it.

0 (6m 11s):
And that is how you make life enjoyable by having a plan, working out the goals that you want to get to, working out, how are you going to do them work every day fearlessly to overcome any obstacles to make life enjoyable to go to bed feeling is if you’ve achieved something in that day, that your worth something that your life is truly valued in one way or another. So it’s down to us to make sure that life is enjoyable.

0 (6m 45s):
That life is fun. That life is happy. We say yes to doing more things we also say no to doing some things as well. But it is about all of us being in control of our lives to take control of it, to understand where our destiny is, where we want to go. And you might not have any idea how to do that, how to get there. But the first part of the process is just starting. If you are unhappy in life, start on a process to make it better, understand the pieces that are making you feel unhappy.

0 (7m 20s):
And I think sometimes we blame our own happiness on external factors, but it’s not, the only factor that affects our happiness is ourselves and our ability to feel good about who we are, what we stand for, and what value we give to the world. And then go and achieve it. If you want a new car workout, how to get it. If you want a new house work out, how to get it, if you want to travel the world, start making plans, don’t put stuff off, get out there today.

0 (7m 51s):
And Change your life. Change it for the better and make sure that life is enjoyable for you. When you start to do that, everything else will start to unveil and magical things will start to happen in your life. When you walk around with a smile, you’ll meet other smiley people, people that want to help you. People want to do things for you and you have to stop all those other thoughts that tell you any different in life they’re just there to protect you and stop you from moving forward.

0 (8m 21s):
But when you have clarity of mind of where you want to go, nothing will stop you. So that’s all I’ve got to say. Today I hope you go out there and make sure that your life is enjoyable and that you smile every single day.

My Top Tips On Making Your Life Enjoyable

  1. Own life – Own your own life and don’t ever let anyone stop you from achieving your dreams in life. You own your performance, you own your attitude, you own your destiny, you own your future. Take control and set out on a path to find your passion and meaning in life and go out there and smash it.
  2. Your thoughts – We are our own worse enemies in life and we can stop ourselves from achieving what we want by simply self-sabotaging ourselves. The self-doubt and obsessive intrusive thoughts kick in and ruin the journey. Don’t let your thoughts consume you but turn them into positives, learn not to question yourself but push yourself forward and if you fail, so what, it is always better to try and fail than not try at all.
  3. Your attitude – Your attitude is everything in life. If you can switch on the positive attitude and just enjoy life, then your life will change dramatically. It is easy to sit with the moaners who never have a good thing to say about life. This will only rub off on you eventually though, so surround yourself with the do it now people, the one’s that love life and have a zest for it. Join the winners in life and see how quickly things start to change.
  4. Don’t be scared – When we are kids, we are fearless, we learn to walk, bump into things, fall off things but we get through. Because we are not scared of the dangers ahead. Treat life like everything is new and an adventure. Give it a go and overcome your anxieties because the more you do stuff, the less you will question yourself about whether you can or cannot do something. Yes some things can seem scary but it is a bit like a horror movie, makes you feel scared but it’s not real until your mind makes it real. Give everything a go and embrace fear as your friend.
  5. Enjoy life – There are so many things out there to make life enjoyable but in today’s society all people do is seem to moan about things. Moaning will get you nowhere, living life by the seat of your pants will get you everywhere. Smile at people, have fun, and leave all the negativity behind you, as negativity is like a disease, it spreads quickly, and before you know it you become a moaner too.
  6. Never give up – Embrace everything in life as a challenge. Some you will win and some you will lose. But challenge yourself to be the best that you can be and never give up. Go out there with a do it now attitude and say you can do this, it doesn’t matter about the pain, I am going to get through this. Having this attitude will give you the strength in everything you do and is paramount to your personal success.
  7. Be part of something – Did you enjoy being part of a team when you were a kid? Have you ever felt that jubilation of winning something and celebrating with your teammates? If you haven’t then now is the time to do it. It can be anything from sports to charities or whatever. But join a group of like-minded people that make sure that you are enjoying life as part of a worthy cause. On our own we can be great, as part of a team we can be amazing.
  8. Reward yourself and feel proud – Don’t look for acceptance, gratitude, or praise from others. It should be yourself that you are trying to impress. That you know what you are capable off and that you are pushing your personal barriers to the maximum. Other people’s opinions do not matter unless they are going to add massive value to your already great attitude. So reward yourself at every opportunity you get and give yourself a massive pat on the back for every achievement you do.
  9. Keep pushing yourself to do it – Whatever you want in life, have a do it now attitude and go out there and smash it. Don’t make excuses and don’t waste the time either. If you want to make life enjoyable then this is down to you. Have the courage and the attitude to strive forwards and do things that make you happy in life.
  10. Pat yourself on the back – If you listen to these words and you realize that life is what you make it. Then you are in the top 10% of achievers. You are amazing and you own your life and your destiny. You get it that hard work, dedication, commitment, consistency pays off. You get that failure is positive in life and is just another lesson learned. You get what you want and are willing to do anything to get it. So well done you and a massive pat on the back from me too.
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Frequently Asked Questions About Making Life More Fun

  1. Is life supposed to be enjoyable? Of course it is. When we are kids, you have so much fun it is untrue. When we are adults, bills, jobs, pressure, anxiety all builds up because we have responsibility. But it is our own choice whether to make life enjoyable or not. To get excited about thing coming up in our diaries, to book events, to go on adventures, to have fun. So yes life is meant to be enjoyable and you should be doing everything you can to live a fulfilled life yourself.
  2. What does it mean to enjoy life? It means being in control of your destiny and valuing yourself and your life. To wake up with a smile and do your best in life for yourself and everyone around you. To know that we really do only get one opportunity to enjoy life. So make the most of it. Learn to live every day and throw those stupid thoughts that try to bring us down to the back of our minds. To find the fun in things and with the people, we hang around with.
  3. What makes life more enjoyable? That depends on who you are. I love being with my family and seeing my kids happy. I love seeing other people enjoying themselves and having fun. We are very sociable creatures and therefore we are at our best when in other people’s company. Have a laugh with friends, talk, enjoy each other’s stories. Play games and just walk around with our head held high and see the beauty that the world has to offer. Making things enjoyable doesn’t have to cost anything, you can have a laugh and a smile for free with anyone at anytime that you want to.
  4. What is the best age to enjoy life? We never know what life has in store for us. So every age is important to enjoy life. We should overcome the daily challenges and hardships and know that things will get better in life. We have to adopt a positive approach to this though and not let those intrusive thoughts carry us away to a dark place. So my advice is no matter what age you are, make sure you are living life to the max.
  5. How can I be happy? This is down to you. Whether you want to take control of your life and make it the life that you want it to be. Don’t let other people suck you into their story, make life enjoyable with the smallest things. Breathe in the fresh air and enjoy being alive. Have a plan in life where you get some sort of self-achievement and reward from. Be kind and give love to others unconditionally. Don’t let your thoughts tell you that life is crappy, even if it is, because of negativity breeds negativity. It is really hard to pull yourself out of a dark place than it is to force a smile on your face. So do things that make you happy and share your feelings with others.
  6. How do I enjoy being alone? We never have to be alone in life. There are so many options nowadays to meet other people. There are clubs, dating sites, communities that we can join. Meet new people and although it can be terrifying at first, the more you do it, the more you will get used to it and the more friends you will meet. If you like being on your own, however, have a plan in life, keep your mind occupied on getting what you want in life, stay busy, stay healthy and do things that make you happy.

That is everything I have to say about making sure life is enjoyable. If you like what you have read then do join me on my transformation program below and we can take a journey through life together.

Wishing you all the very best in your future. Scott

Why Helping Others Will Change Your Life Too

By helping others you will help those people become greater in life, you will offer hope and support to those that need it most. Karma will come back and provide kindness and help to you too. So stick around on this page for how you can learn to help people too with our top tips and frequently asked questions about this important topic.

Audio Transcript On Why Helping Others Will Change Your Life

0 (1s):
Hi there and welcome to changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott, your host talking. And today we’re gonna talk a bit helping others, because from my perspective and you might think differently than this. I really get a lot out of helping other people, sometimes when you do help others it kind of gives you a nice feeling inside that you’re doing something that is worthwhile. That you’re helping somebody either become a better person or do a better job or just.

0 (33s):
Generally helping them feel better, sometimes where it can go wrong. And I found this quite a bit. It’s that kind of a mental health and anxiety. It’s really, really complicated. What one person might go through a stressful event compared to another person going through a stressful event is completely, completely different. For instance, as a student, you might find that you need some time management techniques also to manage your stress. Kind of what I see a lot is people who are suffering from mental health issues themselves, trying to help other people with it. And it’s really difficult to do that because in order to help a lot of other people sometimes, you have to get over the mental health issues and the anxiety yourself in order to really realize what you can do to push them forward.

Helping Others
Helping Others – Photo by Polina Zimmerman from Pexels

0 (1m 15s):
But there are simple things that you can do every day and helping other people, you know, it’s quite simple. So I’ll give you an example of this morning. I got a phone call from a recruitment consultant looking for me to take on a new contract role, but I’m already in a contract. So I have a chat with her and help her out, by saying I know quite a few people through COVID at the moment that are looking for jobs. They haven’t had a job for quite a few months. Now, there getting a bit worried. So pick up the phone to them.

0 (1m 47s):
I’m like, look this job has come up. Would you be interested? And kinda connect those people together and hopefully, one of the people I know will get that job. And then as an impact of helping them, they hopefully will then be able to provide for their family again. They will get a job that will last them for the next six months, 12 months, and see them through COVID. And it’s just simple little things like that. But when you’re think about serving others and when you think about other people on the top of your own thoughts your own difficulties, your own situation, it helps you to actually provide a little bit of light, a little bit love into someone else’s life and it can be something really simple.

0 (2m 33s):
If you see somebody struggling, don’t criticize them, don’t think their doing something bad or doing a bad job, just go out and help them see what help they need to become better. I work with a lot of people and the intrusive thoughts that a lot of people go through and the self criticism and the anxiety and the stress that we feel nowadays, a lot of it comes down to the fact that the, if you lived on your own, you probably wouldn’t have any hassell, but introduce loads of other people into the equation.

0 (3m 5s):
You’ve got all these different personalities with different thoughts, with different ideas. You think you’ve got to fit in and you think you’ve gotta get on with everyone and life isn’t like that. You should just be yourself. And by being yourself part of that is being kind to other people and helping people, helping other people become great. You know, I think in my career, I’ve helped so many young people, that people wouldn’t give them an opportunity to within the organizations and I have coached them and I’ve mentored them and have trained him.

0 (3m 37s):
And some of them have gone off and leading global organizations, such as DELL, IBM and all sorts of other roles that they would never have been given. If I hadn’t have actually gone out my way to think that helping others was an essential part of every day life. And you don’t need to protect yourself. You don’t need to protect to yourself from other people doing better than you. And especially if you are in a management role or a supervisory role, our job is to ask people, how can I help?

0 (4m 10s):
How can I help you do your job better? How can I be there for you? How can I support you? What can I do that makes your job that much better, that much easier. But for some reason, some people don’t like helping others, you know? And that might be because it so ingrained in our own lives, we’ve got so much going on now. That is the last thing that we think about. And I’m quite lucky as well because my wife is probably the most helpful person on the planet she’ll do over and above anything for anyone.

0 (4m 40s):
You give her a call at two o’clock in the morning and she’ll be there for you, but everybody loves her and everybody relies on her. And she does say it without expecting anything back, she doesn’t help other people because she wants them to do something for her too. And its like those jobs today, probably those guys, when they get that job I may not even get a thank you for it because sometimes people forget that you’ve helped, you know what you’ve done to guide them and everything else, but you should do it without needing any gratitude for it, you should do it because karma really does work and karma does come back.

0 (5m 18s):
So when you need help, hopefully people will be there for you. If you’ve done things for them, then when you were in your deepest, darkest place, then hopefully people will be there for you too. And I know in the world at the moment it is really, really difficult. You know, the global economy is falling apart. People are losing the jobs. There’s lockdowns. Hear there everywhere. There’s no better time than now to see how you can help other people. And if you are fortunate, enough to be in, a great job in a great place.

0 (5m 51s):
And you’re being able to sit this out then see whether there is, anybody else out there that does need your help, it might be helping them review a CV. It might be helping them connect to other people. It might be helping them get a job. It might be helping them go shopping because they are in lockdown. But just think about helping others, put that as a priority in your day to help other people out and just ask them, how can I help? What can I do? Is there anything that you need?

0 (6m 22s):
And I know my dad the other week? He was moving house and he is 72 now. And I kept saying to him, do you need any help dad. do you need any help or anything. And he was like, no, I’ll be OK. So I went over anyway, and some of the things that he was trying to do at his age he shouldn’t have been doing. And he actually ended up hurting himself on the last day of moving some stuff. If I hadn’t off gone over to help him, there’s no way he could have moved his house in two days, he is not a spring chicken anymore. You know, he had all these ideas that he could bung all the stuff into a trailer and get it moved.

0 (6m 55s):
And it would all be hunky-dory, but it wasn’t like that. But when you think about helping others personally, I feel great from helping people. I feel great that somehow I have contributed to making their life better. I know some times it feels like you’re taken for granted. I know sometimes it feels as if giving kindness, people don’t really care or they’ll walk all over you. Do it for yourself, don’t do it for anybody else. Do it for yourself. Just learn that helping others.

0 (7m 26s):
Is a really really important part of life. And in you’re day make it part of your routine, help as many people as you possibly can. And you will see that they will smile at you. They will thank you. They will be grateful, and it will spur you on. It will take your mind away from your horrible thoughts. Your horrible feelings your anxiety and your stresses because helping others, will also make you realize hopefully that you are actually in a good place.

0 (7m 57s):
And if your not in a good place, then go and ask for help yourself it does no harm in asking other people to help you. Sometimes we all need a helping hand. We all need some guidance in life. We all need somebody to come and offer that hand of reassurance to make us feel a bit more positive, to make us feel a bit more confident just to give us a hand. So we don’t feel like we’re on our own. So please go out there today. Help as many people as you can see helping others as an important part of your life.

0 (8m 28s):
If you can serve overs just to ask them, how can you help them and see whether it puts a smile on your face?

My Top Tips On Helping People Through Life

  1. Be patient – Some people need more help than others and just because they don’t get something straight away does not mean that they are stupid. Other people will also act differently than you would in the same situation so be empathic and understanding to their feelings.
  2. Karma – Know that for every person that you help that you have done a great deed and that Karma will pay you handsomely in rewards. What we give out is generally what we recieve, so if you would like others to help you, it is important that you help them too.
  3. Have fun – Helping people grow is really interesting and especially if they follow your advice and guidance too. It is an overwhelming feeling when you do something to impact someone’s life in a way that they will never forget.But make helping fun and not a chore.
  4. Don’t give up – Sometimes you will see someone that needs help but will refuse to ask or will turn down your offer. Just stay persistent with this and see where and when you can help them out. Eventually they will give in and let you give them a helping hand.
  5. Learn from others – Helping other people is a great way about learning more about how other people cope with things in life. We all tend to deal with things differently and seeing how and why they deal with things in this way will give you help in your life too.
  6. People you don’t know – Having great manners is something that seems to be deteroriating in todays society. So if you see someone on the street struggling, help them out. Open doors for people, give up your seat for the elderly and pregant, help little old ladies across the road. A little kindness and help really does go a long way.
  7. Smile and recognition – At the end of the day when you look back and be grateful for the day. You can reflect on all the good things you have done to help other people. Give yourself a massive pat on the back and smile knowing that you have done your best to make someone’s life a better place.
YouTube video

Frequently Asked Questions About Helping Other People

  1. What are the benefits of helping others? Are that you will be able to look back and know that you have made someone’s life better in some way. Despite the way we are in society sometimes with our heads down, we are meant to be in packs and helping each other, forage, hunt and eat. The way I see it is that when you help someone else you are also empowering yourself as a person. You become much more aware of your qualities and other people’s when you help them. Some people will eternally be grateful, other people will grunt but if you offer help you can hold your head up high knowing that you have been completely unselfish in your acts?
  2. What do you mean by helping other people? It means giving people a hand when they need it. It can be anything from simple things to volunteering. But when you give time to others and help them with what ever they need you are offering them something that otherwise they would struggle with. All of us deserve to live a great life and we can do so by helping people with things that they are struggling with. It is a great strength to have when we can condition ourselves to help people when they need it and without expecting anyting in return.
  3. How can we help others? You can volunteer to help the elderly, sick, children, animals and many more society’s. Also if you see someone struggling at work, shopping, in the street, wherever, then offer them a helping hand. You can carry bags for people, open doors, just where you see an opportunity, give someone a helping hand.
  4. What is the feeling off helping other people? For me, I love seeingpeople’s faces, a lot of people don’t like to ask for help as it is seen as weakness. It is not, if you cannot do something else, then always ask for help. I love helping people and like to see the smile on their faces because they know there are kind people out there that actually care in this World too.
  5. How does helping people help you? This to me is all down to Karma and when you need help, then hopefully someone will be there for when you need them too. Also you will learn a lot about yourself and other people by simply helping out. Try it and see how you feel.

There you go everything I have to say on why you should help others too. If you like what I say then join my transformation program below and we can work together on living life with a smile and helping yourself and others too.

Wishing you all the best in life Scott

Stop Passing The Buck And Take Responsibility In Life

Today we’re going to talk about passing the buck and if you want to know it’s true definition click here. But if you want to learn how to stop passing the buck and take responsibility for your life then keep reading for the transcript, tops tips on how not to blame others and frequently asked questions on why people pass the blame to others. Then keep reading.

Take Responsibility For Your Life And Stop Passing The Buck Transcript

0 (1s):
Hi there and welcome to changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott, your host talking. And today we’re going to talk about Stop Passing The Buck And Take Responsibility In Life because I think at some time or another, most of us through life have blamed someone else or blamed something, or kind of looked at a situation and went it wasn’t me, and I remember when I was a kid kinda anything that went wrong went wrong, my mom would in the room room and say to my brother, did you do that? And he’d say, no, it was Scott.

0 (32s):
It was him mom, honestly. And he would refuse to admit or take responsibility for what he had done wrong. And he consistently blamed me all the way. It was always my fault. And it’s quite funny because the thing most people do that because excepting that you’ve done something wrong is really, really hard for people to, to do. Because you think that your gonna get scolded, or you think that you are going to be in trouble for something so people hide away from those problems?

0 (1m 4s):
And it is quite easy if you stop passing the book, because when you take responsibility for what you’ve done, you can work out what went wrong. You can look inside yourself and say, yeah, I did that wrong. Oh my God. You know, I made a massive mistake, but I stick my hand up and I won’t ever do it again, and people will help you. And people would rather know the truth than they would if you to actually passing the buck and not taking responsibility for your life.

0 (1m 35s):
And kinda there’s more examples. You know, I work with lots of big industries and kinda they bring out lots of different solutions for how to manage projects and programs like waterfall and agile and when it comes down to it, most of those individual teams work in silos. They work individually. They don’t work together as a team. So when you get them handing off from one team to another, there’s things that are wrong, dates that aren’t delivered, generally what happens is one group will blame another rather than working together.

Stop Passing The Buck And Take Responsibility
Stop Passing The Buck And Take Responsibility – Photo by Castorly Stock from Pexels

0 (2m 9s):
And working out where the problem is where things went wrong they actually just blame each other. And that means that passing the buck somewhere else means that things don’t get done and things over run. And it just creates a massive horde of problems. Whereas if you get the team’s to gel together, working together, like you would in a football team or rugby team, you know, you chuck the ball to someone. If you throw a bad ball and they drop it, it’s not their fault for dropping it. It’s your fault for not passing the ball in the right way.

0 (2m 43s):
So I think when you look at life, if you can look at it and you can say, yes, I will take responsibility for this. I own this. I own everything that I do. And when you make a mistake, when you do something wrong, you can put your hand up, you can admit it and you can feel safe knowing that the outcome will be a better outcome than it would be if you hide away or blame someone else. And we all do it. It’s like, in families, , we can blame each other for different things that happen.

0 (3m 15s):
You know, someone’s smashed a dish or, something didn’t get done. And all of a sudden we’re blaming people within our household for stuff that is going to make them feel horrible. And if you have ever been blamed yourself, you will know how horrible that feeling is, you will know what it’s like when you’re waiting for somebody to find out what you’ve done. And then probably punish you for it. But, if you work on the other way and you put your hand up and you take responsibility for that, and you’ve don’t pass the buck, then things will work out better.

0 (3m 48s):
Saying that, I remember when I was a kid, as well as I was playing football or in the house, bit stupid really, to be honest, and I kinda hit the ball and it hit the telly. And my mums statue on the top of the tele she’d saved up years for it was her most precious thing fell off the tele smashed on the floor. And when she come in I ran straight up to her and i was crying my eyes out. Mom mom, I’m really sorry. I’m really sorry. And she was like, wow, have you done? What have you done? And a one man. And she was angry because I admitted what I did.

0 (4m 19s):
She didn’t punish me. She understood. She wasn’t very happy about me playing it football in the house, but you know she understood and she was grateful that I came forward and actually told her because I could have just glued the tail back on it and just left it and hope she didn’t notice, but that’s kind of deceitful. And when you take Responsibility the punishment, isn’t as bad as you think it will be. But if you pass the buck to somebody else and you blame that other person you’ve got the guilt of knowing that person.

0 (4m 53s):
Actually hasn’t done anything wrong. Anyway, it wasn’t their fault and communally, whether we’re in a family, right? Whether were at work, we should all work together. We should help each other. Our job is to make our lives better to support each other. To big each other up, to make sure that we as a family or whatever work together. We understand each other where empathic to each other, there are no secrets. We kind guide each other in the right way, which means that when something does go wrong.

0 (5m 26s):
You just need to learn to stop passing the buck, suck it up and take that courage inside to go, I’m really sorry. It was me and then later on you take responsibility for your actions, you make sure that you never do it again and you learn from your mistakes, but you really do have to make sure that you are taking that responsibility because that doesn’t sit with anyone else. It will make you become a better person by understanding what you are capable of, admitting things.

0 (6m 0s):
You also don’t get that intrusive thought problem where your then going away thinking about it, Oh my God, I did this today and I blamed someone else. And what happens if someone finds out, because all those thoughts that you have in your head just coincide to an increase bad mental health issues, stress and anxiety and everything else, but its forced upon us when actually what we should do is keep hold of that book ourselves and go, yeah, it was me.

0 (6m 31s):
I am so sorry. What can I do to make it better? What can I do to make sure that the outcome is a better one and that is by admitting it. And it is by sticking your hand up. And when you’re at school, as well the teacher would go, who did that and everyone will go It wasn’t me, but it was someone. And then everybody gets detention or whatever, just because somebody’s threw a book or made a noise or, or whatever, because no one likes to take responsibility when they’ve done something wrong.

0 (7m 2s):
They may think it’s funny when they do it in the first place, but then they’ll pass the buck to someone else to say it wasn’t me miss. It was them. Or it wasn’t me mom. It was them. And that just leads to a pathway where you are avoiding taking responsibility yourself. And if you can learn to be told off, if you can learn that it’s okay to do things wrong, then you will avoid a load of stress and a load of anxiety. And I know my son he’s got great manners he’s a lovely lad.

0 (7m 34s):
And I adore him and you know, the other week he kind of spoke out of turn to my wife and I was like, hold on a minute. That’s not you. And I took him upstairs and I said, do you think that was like you normally act, and he said NO it isn’t dad but I’m under a lot of stress. I’m having all these problems. And you know, I just took it out on Caren and kinda it made him realize and take responsibility for his actions.

0 (8m 6s):
He apologized straight away because he knew that he was in the wrong, but he’s never liked being told off. So the way that I have to approach it with him is by having a conversation trying to understand emotionally why he did those things, what was it that made you pass that buck and take it out on my wife? You know, why did you do that? And not in an aggressive way, but in a way that he could simply understand why not taking responsibility for his actions would have worked out worse, because if he hadn’t of admitted it, then I probably would have said you’re being rude and I don’t want you to do it again.

0 (8m 43s):
I am not happy and everything else. And when you are assertive to people like that, they do feel as if they are being cussed. They do feel as if they’ve done something wrong? So it’s about nurturing that out of people. So you can make them feel that they don’t need to pass the buck. That they can take responsibility because life is about growing and it’s about finding out more about ourselves. So it make sure that you’re not passing the buck on to anybody else, take responsibility for your own life.

How To Stop Blaming Others Top Tips

  1. Admit it – This takes courage and balls to admit when you are wrong. But by taking responsbility and keeping the buck yourself, you will learn more about yourself. Being able to do this is a great skill but know that we all make mistakes, we all mess up, just put your hand up when you do and admit it.
  2. Accept it – If you are going to admit to something and take accountability yourself, make sure you are also willing to accept the consequences. Some actions do unfortunately come with consequences, so no regretting it later. Just accept the position, learn and move forward.
  3. Stopping blaming others – Rather than blaming someone, understand why they have done this in the first place. It might very well be that they meant to do it, or it could be a genuine mistake. Our job however is to move forward and help them move forward too. So be empathic, understand the why, then be a part of making things better.
  4. Don’t lie – I say this to everyone, once you start telling porkies and blaming other people. This will form a nasty habit and you will forget the things that you lied about too. Then you will have a massive set of lies building up that you will eventually get caught out. So always tell the truth and put your hand up and admit your mistakes.
  5. Do it now – If you have made a mistake or been blamed or passed the buck. Then raise it straight away so that a resolution can be made as quickly as possible. There is nothing worse than someone finding out what has been done as this will only make them mad.
  6. Apologise – Some people no matter what you do with them, they just cannot apologise. Whilst apologies shouldn’t be done all the time, if it was you that caused the problem. Then learn to put your hand up and say sorry for what you had done and then never do it again.
  7. Wrongly accused – If someone has wrongly accused you or blatently put the blame on you. Do not worry as people are not stupid and most of the time they know who did it. So the only person that they will eventually ridicule will be themselves. Stay true to yourself and do not let others suck you into a blame culture. If you take responsibility for your own actions and are a kind and caring person then people will see through the other persons buck passing persona.
  8. Don’t worry about it – It doesn’t matter what it is. Once you have apologised or fixed the problem, do not pay it any more attention. Constantly replaying situations in your head will not change anything but will just make your anxiety worse. So follow all the tips by capturing blame early on and dealing with it and then move forward.
  9. Moving on – Don’t hate the person for blaming you, just be proud that you know that you take responsibility for your own actions. Other people will do whatever they want to and acceptance of this is paramount to divorce yourself from other people’s issues and problems. If they have a problem with you so be it, try and sort it out with them. But if they have blamed you in the first place it is likely they will shy away from the truth. So accept the situation, bury it and move on as quickly as you can with another lesson learned under your belt.
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Frequently Asked Questions About Passing The Buck And Taking Responsbility

  1. What does the phrase pass the buck mean? To me it means passing responsbility or blame to someone else rather than taking responsbility yourself. It can aslo mean that you see this as not your problem or fault and are willing to pass the consequences to someone else instead.
  2. Who said the buck stops here and why? President Truman – the decision has to be made. Quite often this is used when someone does take responsibility for their actions and they know that their decision is final and the event stops with them. You could say today as a team we are going to win the premiere league but the buck stops with me to make this happen.
  3. What is the buck stops with me? As above it means that there are no further actions and that the person is taking responsibility for the decision. Which also means that they accept the consequences of their actions and are will to to stick with that, rather than blame someone else at a later date.
  4. What does it mean to take responsibility? It means accepting that the situation sits squarely in your hands. For instance if someone asked you to babysit because they were going out for the evening. The responsibilty sits with you to make sure that the baby is well looked after and cared for. If something happens then you take responsibility for it and own up to it.
  5. How do you take responsibility for your own actions? You do your best with whatever life throws at you and be honest with your critique about yourself. We all fail and we all make mistakes. Some things we are good at and some things not so good at. So when something goes wrong just admit that you have done it and learn from and it move on. Be proud of the job you are doing and take the responsibility seriously.
  6. What are some examples of responsibility? There are loads of examples here, Doctors, Nurses, Plane Drivers, Managers, Teachers, Brothers, Sisters. You name it everyone has responsibility for something, whether you think that is a small thing or a massive thing. We all have responsibility and it is our responsibilty to look after ourselves, be kind and be the best we can be in life too.

So that is everything I have to say today on passing the buck and taking responsibility for your own life. I hope you liked it and please do join me on the transformation program below for more interesting stuff about life, happiness and living a great lifestyle.

Catch you soon best wishes Scott

How To Stand Up For Yourself And Be Assertive

Today we are going to talk about how to stand up for yourself in life. This page will cover the audio above, the transcript and then we will discuss further tips,frequently asked questions about standing up for yourself further down the page.

Stand Up For Yourself Transcript

0 (1s):
Hi there and welcome to the podcast for changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott, your host talking. And today we are going to talk about how to stand up for yourself because I’m sure everybody, at some point in time, has kinda felt as if there either being bullied or their doing something that they don’t want to do, or they are having a conversation that isn’t going their way and trying to be assertive and dealing with it in the right way is really difficult. But if you don’t stand up for yourself, the problem is is you kinda become weaker inside to the point that you probably go away and you will be unhappy with the situation and it won’t resolve itself.

0 (42s):
And the situation will probably get worse, but you don’t have to be rude when you are standing up for yourself, you have to be assertive. So you have to make sure, first of all, that you listen to what that person is saying. And then you need to think before you speak, when you deliver your message to them, because otherwise, what you’ll find is, when somebody’s talking to you, when they are not happy with you, when it is a confrontation, they will say all sorts of different things.

0 (1m 13s):
And if you get sucked into that conversation, you will end up retaliating, getting your back up and probably, either acting aggressively or saying the wrong things. So its really important that you listen to what that person is actually talking to you about then work out, whether it is something that is something that you’ve done or it’s something that they’ve done. As an example, I had a young lady working for me and she was under so much pressure at work and she thought the program manager was being rude.

0 (1m 47s):
She didn’t think she was doing a good job. And she got herself really, really upset. And when I spoke too her, I said have an appointment with the program manager sit her down and just tell her how you feel, tell her how its making you feel the way that she is treating you and as a result of that. What happened was the program manager was actually in agony, she had a really bad back injury and unfortunately the drugs, they were taking weren’t working very well. So she was just being abrupt and she was being a little bit ruder than she would normally would be.

Stand Up For Yourself
Stand Up For Yourself – Photo by Castorly Stock from Pexels

0 (2m 22s):
But after that, because this lady had pointed it out to the program manager, the program manager then obviously started to behave in a much better way. So if you deal with things like that in a sensible way, then you will find that the solution is much better and talking to people, working things out without getting irate without getting agitated, without doing a tit for tat conversation, then things do get better, but you cannot just sit there and let people walk all over you.

0 (2m 57s):
Unless you know, some people say kindness is weakness, kindness is not a weakness, kindness is the best gift that you can bestow upon anybody, but where kindness does become a problem is when you do not stand up for yourself and that is if people are taking advantage of your good nature, if they are not being polite, if they are not helping you, if they’re not giving back and that’s where you do need to stand up for yourself and it could be to stand up for yourself, with your parents, with bullies, with lots of different scenarios at work, but don’t let it lie.

0 (3m 34s):
The best thing to do is to have confidence in who you are and confidence we’ve talked about before you build confidence up by being positive about your own persona, being happy with who you are and the way that you respond to situations and being a good and empathetic person. And by being empathic, that means that you’ve put yourself in that other person’s shoes. You look at the conversation from their perspective before you stand up to them.

0 (4m 6s):
But sometimes conversation’s as well. You will get to the point where you do have a disagreement. You do have a stalemate. You can not move forward with it and in that case, you, you still stand up for yourself, but you agree with that party to disagree on that, but move forward because as adults, as we move through life, we’re gonna come across people that treat us badly, that treat us in a way that we’re not happy with. And if we don’t stand up for ourselves then we’re gonna get walked over. We’re not gonna have our points of view, we’re not going to be able to say what we need to.

0 (4m 41s):
But you need to deal with it in a really professional and sensible way, which means tackling it when you’ve got time to think about it properly, that you’ve got clarity of mind. So that you’re saying the right things, you’re doing, the right things. Your not being aggressive, but you’re just talking to that person about how that situation makes you feel and I guarantee on the majority of occasion’s most people just snap. Their under stress. They are having a bad day.

0 (5m 11s):
There is a misunderstanding or they haven’t listen properly. And if you take the time to discuss it with them, if it turns out that they are just a knob, then you need to walk away from them. If they don’t understand where you’re coming from, and you put across, your points of view in a really calm and clear way, and they don’t understand it, then walk away from them because sometimes you can’t argue with stupid and that’s something that my wife says, not to me, but you know, in previous experiences and its very, very true because when somebody doesn’t see your point of view, when somebody wants to dominate you, when somebody wants to make you feel bad about yourself, that’s them trying to control you.

0 (5m 55s):
And you should never let anybody control. You should be your own person. You should deal with that. And as another example, I worked for a big insurance company once and I was a manager of one of the sites and I went on holiday. They put somebody in to replace me, but they never did all the reports. And while I was away. So when I went to the management meeting just before Christmas, the managing director told me that my reports haven’t been submitted. So he’s gonna deduct 40% of my pay.

0 (6m 26s):
And I was like, hold on a minute. I wasn’t even there. I didn’t, I didn’t have anything to do with that. You put this person in and they said, no, no. We’re going to deduct 40% of your pay. And I was livid. So rather than let it lie, I did stand up for myself. And I wrote the CIO, a letter to say that it was actually against the law to take money out of my account. It didn’t turn out well, to be honest, what happened then was a, I got a phone call from the managing director. I got sacked on the spot.

0 (6m 56s):
Then I got a phone call from the regional manager saying I wasn’t sacked and I could go back in to the office. Then the regional manager come round and started giving me written warnings and verbal warnings about dust on the photocopier and all sorts of things and the end I had to leave the job. There was no way that I would accept being bullied by this person who was just being completely irrational and completely un-understanding. So sometimes you do have to walk away.

0 (7m 27s):
Sometimes you can’t win these conversations, but if you don’t stand up for yourself, you will become a mouse. So you need to raise your shoulders, walk around, be confident in yourself. Be Assertive, don’t take crap from people unless they’ve got something to say and it is relevant and you’ve been an idiot and you have been silly and you have done the wrong things. And then you need to look at it from their perspective, from your perspective and use that to grow as a person and become a better person as a result of that, because we all do wrong things.

0 (8m 1s):
We all make mistakes in life, but you really do need to stand up for yourself. And my dad always told me when I was the kid and don’t do this yourself. Okay. But when we were younger, obviously things were a bit different at schools and stuff, generally you sorted things out with your fists rather than anything else was completely the wrong way to do it. But my dad always taught me to stand up for myself. And if someone bullied me was just to have a pop at them first, because bullies pick on people that they think they can take advantage of that they think aren’t confident and assertive enough to be able to deal with it.

0 (8m 38s):
And they will continue to do that. They wouldn’t walk up to the most confident, assertive person and bully them because they know they wouldn’t win, or they know that they would be in for a challenge. So when you are assertive, when you are calm and you talk to people about the situation understand what’s happening, deal with it in a, in a sensible way, then you can come out with a good solution to the problem. But you do and always have to stand up for yourself.

My Top Tips On Standing Up For Yourself

  1. Don’t be scared – The likelyhood is that if someone causes you to have to stick up for yourself then you will feel like it has put you in a bad position. Just don’t let those intrusive thoughts put you off, just approach them in calm manner, take deep breaths and wait for them to finish talking. Then think about you are going to say but be clear and make sure that you get your point across.
  2. Take your time – don’t let anyone suck you into an argument straight away. If you need too ask the person if you can come back to them on that as you would like to think about it. When we react to things, we generally say or do the wrong thing. It is always better to have clarity of mind and come out with a good story when sticking up for yourself.
  3. Be courageous – Know that if you don’t stand up for yourself that you will be walked over. People will back down when you speak up for yourself. Hopefully you will also point out that they were wrong and that they should have approached it in a better way. Pluck up the courage to be that strong person that you are.
  4. Believe this will make you stronger – Learning about ourselves is a really important part of self development and when you learn to speak up for yourself, you will have a voice. People will listen and you will adapt your behavior to fit in as you find out more about who you are as a person too. Every conversation we have can be taken in a different way by everyone that is listening. Some people will only get half of the picture because they were not listening properly in the first place. So become a strong person and get your view point across.
  5. Learn to say no – If you disagree with something that someone has said. Learn to say no, I don’t agree with you. We should all be able to have discussions rather than arguments and if you can come to an agreement between you. Then you are much better placed than creating an argument or simply leaving things.
  6. Have confidence in yourself – Learning to value yourself as a person will also give you the confidence in your voice. I have a clear definition that i am always kind to everyone. This is not a weakness but i know that i have done everything I can to be a great husband, father, work colleague. So if someone does argue with me it is normally them that has the hump and not me. It is so much easier to stand up for myself when I am doing all the right things in the first place. Yes sometimes i can be an idiot too and I accept that but when someone stands up to you too, that is your opportunity to be empathic and see the story from their side as well.
  7. Don’t be a hypocrite – If you have a habit yourself of pushing someone around or dominating them, then you cannot complain if someone does this to you. Karma has a way of coming around and giving you the same treatment. So if you want to speak up for yourself, then encourage other people around to do the same too.

Situations Where You Might Have To Speak Up For Yourself

  1. Against bullies – There are bullies everywhere to be honest with you and learning to deal with this is an important part of life. Unfortunately we cannot get away from these critters. The best thing here is to report their behavior and let someone else correct it. It is likely that they might not see your point of view at all, it is always worth trying but if they continue their behavior. Then report them to the right person and do not put up with it.
  2. Against parents – We all have run ins with our parents. We go through stages were we think they do not understand us and they don’t care. Generally this is not true and they will be looking out for you. Again sit down and talk calmly with your parents and let them know how you are feeling about things. Ask their advice and take their advice, but you will never know what it is like as a parent until you become one yourself. So look after each other and learn to discuss things rather than get into arguments.
  3. In a relationship – Relationships are meant to be great and yes sometimes you will have disagrements on things. Again if you love each other then you will see eye to eye eventually. However if you are being bullied or not listened to by your partner, then you do have to stand up and speak up for yourself. If you don’t then you will just stack up issues against each other and then one day you will burst and say everything you wanted to say. It is okay to disagree with people but you have to have decent conversations and agreements to move forward to make things work out properly.
  4. In school – This is a hard one because kids can be cruel. They will be even crueler however if you allow them to pick you and don’t stand up for yourself along the way. You don;t have to be rude or cause problems here though, take the person to one side and tell them how this situation makes you feel. I am sure if someone was doing it to them then they wouldn’t like it either. If they continue to be horrible then report them and at least you have given them warning here.
  5. To your boss – This can be difficult but your boss is no different than anyone else. So you need to approach this with tact and also make sure that there are no flies on you either. If your boss is giving you trouble because you aren’t doing your work, then that is a very different problem than them being rude to you. If it is the latter again sit down with them and tell them how you feel and how can you resolve the issue for the best result for both parties. Hopefully they should listen and by speak up for yourself, you will have at least tried to resolve it, rather than it rearing it’s head again in the future.
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Frequently Asked Questions About Sticking Up For Yourself

  1. What to say when standing up for yourself? This will change based on circumstances. What I do is. I ask the person to repeat what it was that they said. This allows them and I to understand exactly what the problem is in the first place. It might be just a misunderstanding or it could be that the person is being rude or acting in a way that requires me to speak up. So verify the conversation and have a discussion over it to see whether you can see common ground. If the person is trying to pursuade you in a way that you do not agree with, then tell them that. Let them know why you don’t agree and how it makes you feel. Also understand why they are asking in the first place however too. Everything we do in life will take some type of negotiation and you with practice you will learn the right things to say without being rude.
  2. How do you be assertive whilst standing up for yourself? Tell the person NO that this is not what you want and the reason behind it. You don’t have to be rude but if you do not believe the situation is true then get your point across in a calm and well mannered way. Sometimes we get our own backs up first before really listening, so if you fully understand the situation then saying NO can be a good thing to do. Do not let people walk over you and make sure that they are aware that they have disgruntled you and why. Again you don’t have to be rude, but just say. Hi did you really mean to say that in that way, because this is how I took it.
  3. How do I stand up for myself as a guy? This is the same for everyone to be honest. Guy or girl, we all need to speak up and not get walked over.
  4. What happens when you to stand up to a narcissist? The likelyhood is that they will continue to argue with you. They might be up and down at times and agree with you sometimes and not others. This is more reason to get your point across and speak up, otherwise they may take advantage of you and the situation.
  5. Why is it so hard for me to stand up for myself? Becasue sometimes we lack confidence and it is hard when someone is beating on you. The more you get used to doing it however, the easier it becomes. You just have to muster up the courage to stop the conversation and steer it in the right direction. I don’t take anything personally from anyone because generally their opinion doesn’t matter and as I said if you are kind and considerate to people, it is generally them that feels a fool in the end anyway.
  6. How do I stop being a pushover? Learn to be more confident and take baby steps towards speaking up. It is a good thing to do to look after yourself, so don’t let people take advanatge of you. Believe that you are worth more than that and the way they are viewing you is wrong. Give unconditionally but don’t expect anything back and just be kind. Be happy in your own mind, unless someone is paying your bills, is your child or spouse then you shouldn’t let anyone push you over.
  7. How do i speak for myself without being rude? You think about what you need to say and approach it in a calm and collected manner. You keep your cool and explain yourself in a way that gives the other person your viewpoint without attacking them or pointing out that they are wrong. When we get into tat for tat conversations they aren’t healthy. But if you adopt a calm approach to just expressing your feelings, you allow the other person to do the same too.

So that is everything I have to say on standing up for yourself today. If you want to improve your life, see it in a different way and learn to speak up for yourself. Then please do join my transformation program below and we can have a laugh along the way too.

Wishing you all the very best in your future Scott

Never Give Up – You Can Do This

Transcript On How To Never Give Up

0 (1s):
Hi, and welcome to changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. Podcast it’s Scott, your host talking again, and today we are going to talk about why you should never give up and its true, right. Life is a challenge life is one of those things that we fail at sometimes we come across obstacles that we feel like we can’t get over, we want to lose weight. We want to be fit. We want a great job and we keep trying and when we’re trying we just think that it’s not worth it.

0 (31s):
And we just say to ourselves, I give up. I give up, I don’t need it. I’m never going to be able to do it. And I’m never going to get what I want, but your mind and your body are powerful things. When you tell them to Never Give Up when you tell it that you can do this, that you can do anything in life. Then your focus changes because you can see what you want. And if you want something badly enough, you won’t give up.

0 (1m 3s):
You will keep going. You will keep trying. But the hard thing is, is to control your mind enough to know that you’re gonna get it and accept failure along the way. It’s like, if you’ve ever been to the gym, your working out and you go, God, this is hard work. I can’t do this. I’m going to give up. I’m going to cut it short. I’m not feeling it tonight, but if you just turned that around and say to yourself, I’m not going to give up. I am going to push myself harder.

Never Give Up
Never Give Up Following Your Dreams – Photo by Ann H from Pexels

0 (1m 34s):
I am going to try harder. I am going to get through this. I am going to benefit from this and the rewards, if you have them in mind of, getting a better physique, looking good, feeling good, and you keep that focus. And you know that what you’re doing is going to get you to where you want then giving up becomes less of an option because it is the easy way out. We can all give up. We can all try. And then our self worth kicks in and says we can’t do it.

0 (2m 7s):
We can’t do it. And we convince ourselves of that and then before you know it, we’ve given up before we’ve reaped the rewards of what we want and life can be amazing. If you just choose to go out there and get what you want. If you choose to stay on that path and stay positive and stay consistent, right? You will get what you want and you will stand out above the crowd. You will be one of those people that everyone goes, wow.

0 (2m 38s):
Look at them. And have you ever seen on the TV, people running marathons and people are staggering over the finish line falling over. Some of them are dragging themselves on the floor across the line because they will not accept failure. They will not give up. They will go all that way and make it across that finishing line. And it’s an amazing quality to have to push yourself so far that you can just keep going no matter what the outcome.

0 (3m 12s):
And they teach you this in the forces that every single day, they push you and push you and push you to the point where they will want you to give up. But when you’re out in the war, when you are getting fired upon you, can’t be tired you can’t be hungry. You can’t give up because otherwise you’re gonna die. And some of the things that we do in life, we have to look at it and go, what does this mean to me to get it? What is the value of what I’m doing to make it so worthwhile that I am not willing to give up along the way and just push yourself.

0 (3m 45s):
And if you finding that those negative thoughts, come in, those intrusive thoughts come along and kind of whack you along the way then get yourself a trainer, get yourself a trainer, either in life or at the gym who will push you, who will make sure that giving up is not an option. You don’t want to say to yourself, I’m going to give up. You don’t want to give in. You want to give it every effort every day. Habits takes about two months to form. So if you change your attitude into one that doesn’t think about failing, doesn’t think about giving up.

0 (4m 22s):
It just thinks about success. Over those 2 months. If you tell yourself every day I’m gonna do this, I am going to do it. I can do it. You will do it. And those thoughts about, not doing it, I can’t do it and everything else will go away, but you have to train your mind to do it. Even things like interviews, you’re desperate for a job, just keep trying never give up, stay positive, know that there’s something out there.

0 (4m 54s):
And know that you will get that job, know that the right job is waiting for you. But the problem is, is our minds come into play again. And they say, I’m not good at this. I was rubbish in that interview. You know, I’m never going to get this job. That’s where we have to control our thoughts and control our minds. Everything is a learning curve. If we can’t do something then learn from it and made sure next time you do it better, that next time you were more prepared. Next time you put in more effort.

0 (5m 25s):
Next time you train a little bit more, but don’t give up, giving up is the option that will allow you to go, well, I can’t do this. When you can do it, you can do anything you want to in life. If you are willing to try hard enough and not give up. It really is a great thing, when you master it, when you focus your mind on moving forward, getting what you want, receiving the rewards and recognition at the end of it and going, wow, I did that.

0 (5m 58s):
It’s like climbing a mountain. You look at all these mountaineers go to the top of Everest and everything else. Their fingers are freezing off and their in the ice cold, but they still keep going. So it shows you that the mindsets of people that don’t give up can achieve whatever they want to. And you can have it. You can turn this around. You can make life what you want it to be. You just need some encouragement to make that when you’re coming to cross that line.

My Top Tips On Never Giving Up On Your Dreams

  1. Put a pause on it – If you really are thinking I give up, then just take a pause from it. Do not throw in the towel, just take a moment out to collect your thoughts and have some clarity on what this really means to you. Then muster the confidence again to say no way am I giving up, I can do this, I will do this and nothing is going to stop me.
  2. Believe in yourself – Take control of everything positive you can and tell yourself that you believe that you can do this. You believe that it is worth the pain, you believe that you have the strength to carry on through this. You believe that it will make you stronger, you believe that it will make you a better person in the end.
  3. Scream and shout – You don’t have to do this one out loud, but shout at yourself, become your own motivator and coach in your own head. Shout at yourself that you are not giving up, you are not going to fail at this, you are going to muster all your strengh and push yourself to the absolute maximum. You are not going to let yourself down by throwing in the towel.
  4. Learn from this – If you do give up, try again but learn from your experience. If you need to do more next time then do it, whether that is training, learning or whatever. Do not let this experience conquer you, get back up on your horse and do it and do it as quickly as you possibly can. Accept any failure along the way but do not accept overall failure on this.
  5. Get inspiration – Learn from other people on how they got through this, how they learned to not give up. How they pushed themselves when they felt like giving in. Take their inspiration and use it to your advantage.
  6. Be courageous – Do not be deterred by danger or pain. The pain will go away along with the danger. Stop questioning yourself and just push yourself forwards. This is temporary but the rewards and recognition will be worth it.
  7. Self esteem – When you do this when you don’t give in. Your self esteem will go through the roof. Yes you might be a little bit bruised, but you will feel amazing at your accomplishments.
  8. Do more of it – Once you conquer not giving up. Do it again and do it better this time, go through it with all the lessons you have learned. The more we do things, the more we can push ourselves. We are capable of great things if we have the tenacity to keep moving forward.
  9. Learn to enjoy it – Enjoy pushing your mind and body to the maximum. Prove to yourself that you are capable of doing great things. Prove to yourself that you are an amazing person and you can do anything that you want to. Love yourself for what you have been through and be proud of your accomplishments.

Frequently Asked Questions About Never Giving Up

  1. What does it mean to never give up? It means that you are never willing to throw in the towel, no matter how hard things get. That you are willing to push your mind and body to the maximum to get you where you want to be in life. It means finding out more about yourself and what you are physically and mentally capable of achieving in life. It means working out where your failure points are and when you can no longer move forward. We all have points at which we cannot be pushed any further, but pushing yourself towards these will raise your self esteem and confidence in yourself. If you learn to accept failure as a learning curve that is.
  2. Why you should never give up? Because you can do this. You can learn to take control of your mind and body. You can achieve anything you want in life. Giving up means that you are willing to accept that you cannot achieve this, when you can. You will be so close to your goal that it is wasted effort to not continue moving forward towards success.
  3. Why do I quit so easily? Everything life is about education and experience. The more we understand ourselves and what we are capable of the better the experience. By doing more of things and practicing makes us better at what we do, until we hit a ceiling that is. So if you are finding that you quit easily try doing things that make you happy, or you enjoy. It is so much easier to push yourself when you get a reward that you are really happy with at the end. Like dangling a carrot for a donkey, everyone needs something at the end of the journey to make it worthwhile. You just might not have had a juicy enough carrot to get you rmotivated in the first place.
  4. Is it okay to give up sometimes? Obviously we all have limitations, so yes it is okay to give up sometimes. Especially if this leads to physical or emotional distress that will have long term effects. We cannot win at everything, but we can learn and that is part of life is testing those boundaries and finding out more about ourselves along the way.
  5. How do I motivate myself to not give up? This is a mindset of success. You have to push yourself forward and stop all the intrusive thoughts along the way. Do more things that you can achieve to get the rewards and confidence first and foremost. Then push yourself further with the things that you think you cannot achieve. Building up our confidence and learning our boundaries are paramount to feeling good about ourselves. There is no point pushing ourselves if the effects are going to be detrimental. So this is about having a do it now attitude and just not giving up. It doesn’t matter that you don’t win, but it does matter if you give up too early.
  6. How do I stop giving up? Grit your teeth and enjoy the ride. Turn the voices in your head into one’s of a positive nature that can tell you, that you can do this. You can do anything that you put your mind too. Feel good about your achievements and keep going towards them at every opportunity. Pace yourself and set yourself proper goals. There is no point trying to achieve something like running a marathon if you aren’t going to train hard enough. You will set yourself up for failure and you will want to give up. So start of slowly pushing yourself until you reach your boundaries and then push a little more.

So there you have it, all the reasons in life why you should never give up. I hope you enjoyed it and please do join me on my transformation program below for more helpful videos and tips to help you get the best out of life.

Wishing a great future Scott.

How To Stop An Argument In Its Tracks

How To Stop An Argument Transcription

0 (1s):
Hi there and welcome to changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott, Your host of the podcast talking. And today we’re going to talk about how to stop an argument because generally, arguments are futile, right? They’re pointless, you find yourself talking to somebody and you’re just getting more and more irate and the more that you engage in the argument, the worse it actually gets, and kind of what happens is you get into a tit for tat relationship where they may say one thing, you say another thing.

0 (35s):
And then all of a sudden, you both got your backs up. Your both getting upset and you can’t talk about things properly. You probably go away not talking to each other, and that can happen in a relationship or it can also happen with your friends, with your family, with everyone else. Sometimes those arguments just come from nowhere. You know, your in a bad mood, you’ve had a bad day, you come home, you take it out on someone they retaliate, and all of a sudden you find that your in a battle with somebody, and it’s a battle over words and you know, everyone is getting upset and no one really takes control of the situation.

0 (1m 12s):
So you know, it doesn’t matter who you are, at some points in your life, you are going to end up arguing with people. And if you can learn how to have a conversation with someone properly, it really will help you out. And I know, you know, me and my wife are absolutely in love together, but occasionally we don’t see eye to eye and that’s okay. It is okay for everybody to have that freedom of speech, to be able to express how they feel and what their thoughts are about things.

How To Stop An Argument
How To Stop An Argument – Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels

0 (1m 43s):
You know, we have a very different way of parenting and I don’t see my kids very often. So when I see them, I’m more about having fun with them, rather than telling them off, but my wife is more into, you know, they should have rules, they should help. They should have manners. And my kids have got all that. But if they slip up I generally, you know, overlook it, let them get away with it. And sometimes you just end up getting upset with each other. And when you get upset with each other, anything can happen.

0 (2m 14s):
You are going to stay stuff that you don’t mean. You are gonna say things that you can’t take back, but not only that, you will convince yourself that what you’re saying is right and that the other person is wrong. So the way that I deal with this is kind of, you don’t get sucked into the conversation. You don’t let anybody pull you into that argument and what you need to do is sit there and listen to people.

0 (2m 44s):
And I learned this a long time ago. Then, when you have angry customers over the phone, they phone you up, their really upset, their really angry. You know, they know that they haven’t got their product or the product is broken or they’ve had bad customer service or whatever. And they just want to shout at someone, they just want to argue with someone for the sake of arguing and to get their point across and the way that you deal with it. It’s just about being nice and understanding where they are coming from. Everybody has thoughts and feelings. Everybody has their own ways of dealing with things.

0 (3m 17s):
If you can empathize with this and look at it from their perspective and actually sit down and listen to what they’ve got to say until they finish, then you can try and help them with that conversation. And you can try and nurture them, to, you know, well, I didn’t see that from your perspective, I didn’t understand you were feeling that way. What can I do to make it better for you, what can I do to make the situation better? And when you don’t take things personally, it’s much easier to deal with because if you’re a good person, if you’re a kind person, and if you are trying to do your best for the people, you know that you are there to try and help them.

0 (3m 58s):
You are there to try and make them feel better. You know? And, and sometimes teenagers come in and they have a good day or a bad day, you know, one minute their lovely, the next minute they hate you. And if you engage in that conversation at the time when they don’t particularly want you around, or they don’t want to hear your advice then you are wasting your words, and you’re wasting your time and all your doing is created an atmosphere whereby they won’t come to you in the future. They won’t trust you and your relationships with your partners.

0 (4m 29s):
And that sense with your kids will just fall apart. So the best thing that you can do is just sit and listen. Don’t interrupt them, let them fumble around, let them say what they’ve got to say. Don’t take it personally and then sit back take a pause. And rather than telling them that they’re wrong, that they shouldn’t feel like that. But you know, the world isn’t against them and all that sorta stuff just ask them, how can I make this better for you? How can I turn this around so that you will feel better?

0 (5m 4s):
And they might not be able to tell you they might rant again. But when you learn to just relax and not take things personally, you won’t retaliate. You won’t make that argument any worse than it already is because arguments do cause problems and they are not worth it. They’re really not worth it. And if you find that you get sucked into a massive argument just put a pause on it and say, this isn’t the right time to talk about this.

0 (5m 34s):
Can we sit down in a nice environment, go for a walk, and have a conversation about it, where both of you are taken out of that environment. And you can discuss things properly. Because if you love your friends, if you love your partner, if you love your kids, you don’t want to cause them harm. You don’t want them to be upset, but sometimes people do things wrong. And sometimes they will blame anybody and everybody around them because they won’t want to accept that blame themselves but if you can make them see that what they’re saying is wrong, then they will see it for themselves.

0 (6m 14s):
It’s not your job to tell them sometimes if their being rude or whatever just say, you know, look you’re being rude, I can’t talk to you at the moment, wait until you have calmed down. And I’ll talk to you about it a bit later, but it’s really hard not to get sucked into that. And that’s why you have to be calm, you have to be patient and you have to give people time. And when you understand the full story, you’ll find that when somebody repeats what they are angry about.

0 (6m 44s):
It will start to not make sense in their own mind. It’s a little bit like when you’re drunk, right? You can’t be wrong when you are drunk. When you’re drunk, you are the rightest person on the planet, and then you wake up the next day and go, Oh my God, did I really say that? Did I really do that, but that’s the same in everyday life when you get a bee in your bonnet, you want to take it out on somebody. You want to get that frustration out and I was laughing the other day because some guy on LinkedIn was looking around and, you know, COVID has been really hard for a lot of people.

0 (7m 16s):
But he said he got so frustrated at the breakfast table. He got so irate that he had to go out on his bike. Then he explained why he was irate and the reason he was irate and unhappy was because of how much milk his son had put on his cornflakes. That just shows you sometimes, how irrational our behaviors can be. How irrational we are, when we want to take something out on someone, that we wanna blame somebody else for our mood, and that’s generally what people are doing there just taking it out on you.

0 (7m 53s):
But when you can sit back and not take it personally and go, have a think about this? Come back and talk to me later. We can have a good discussion. We can work out the best way to move forward with this. Then things will work out. Things will get better and you will have a good understanding. And you’ll also earn each other’s respect because life is a compromise, right? You’re never going to have everything, that you want. You are never, always going to get your way. And the world is a big place.

0 (8m 23s):
And there are lots of different people out there with lots of different cultures. The way they’ve been educated has been different, but everybody wants to be loved. Everybody wants to get on with each other. That’s how we help each other through life. So don’t get sucked into an argument. And if you want to stop an argument straight away, just put the breaks on pause it and ask the person, you know, can we discuss this later. It’s not the right time at the moment, but just don’t let yourself get sucked into the tit for conversation where you’re gonna upset each other, where you both going to come away, not talking to each other and not be happy.

0 (9m 2s):
So just relax, be calm, and deal with it in a really good way. And that’s all I’ve got to say today on how to stop an argument. And if you’d like to join me on the transformation journey, where I’ve got lots of helpful videos to help you live a better life and, you know, enjoy yourself and be happy in life, they can come and join me through the video below this post.

My Top Tips On How To Stop An Argument

  1. Listen – If you do not listen to what the other person is saying. You will miss the point of what they are trying to get to and this will just frustrate them even more and you won’t be able to stop an argument.
  2. Do not interrupt – You might want to get your point across, but wait until they have finished what they are saying first. Everyone gets very frustrated and angry when they are interrupted.
  3. Have patience – This could take some time, so be patient, even if your blood is boiling, take deep breaths, and be patient until they have finished.
  4. Have some empathy – We are all individuals with different feelings. This means we can all go through the same problems, issues but feel them in a different way. Try and understand why they are feeling this way so that you can see things from their viewpoint too.
  5. Choose another time – If the time is not right to talk about this then don’t. If you can see that frustrations are getting out of hand on your side or theirs, then pause the conversation until another time if you want to stop an argument.
  6. Be prepared to compromise – Sometimes we just not see eye to eye on things. Therefore we have to agree to differ in some arguments. As long as you can work together to agree on this then hopefully it should stop arguments about the same thing in the future.
  7. Think before you speak –Thinking about what you are about to say before you speak is really important. We can all get sucked into conversations and say hurtful things to each other. To avoid this where necessary.
  8. Stay calm – do not let your temper flare. This is hard sometimes, but just stay cool-headed and do not let your emotions run freely with you.
  9. Apologizing – If you are in the wrong, then apologize. We can’t be right all the time and sometimes a simple apology might just save the day.
  10. Make sure you make up – Arguments are generally silly and stupid. Our pride however sometimes gets in the way of our feelings. So be prepared to come to a compromise on things and give each other a hug and move on. Nothing is irreparable unless you let your intrusive thoughts run wild and you start hating the other person as a result of what has happened.

Frequently Asked Questions On How To Stop An Argument

  1. How to handle arguments in a relationship or with your partner? You are never going to see eye to eye all the time in a relationship. Try and avoid arguments by having healthy discussions instead. There is a time and place for most conversations and you both have to be in a good mood to discuss important issues. Work out whether the problem is big enough to cause an argument in the first place. Most of the time they are not, we are just simply in a bad mood, jealous, feeling neglected, taken for granted, etc. But reacting sometimes can just make things worse. If you truly love each other, then you will always find a way to come to a common understanding, even if it takes a little time to get there in the first place.
  2. Circular arguments in relationships? These are a nightmare, right? Every time you have an argument, they bring up the same points over and over again. This could be because they haven’t fully resolved the issue the first time around. The best thing to do with this is always agree to draw a line in the sand and move on when you come to an agreement on stuff. Stacking things up and not letting go of the past will just do you both some damage. So choose the right moments to talk and then agree you are both happy with the outcome.
  3. How to disengage from an argument? The best thing to do is not get sucked in. This is really hard because our instant reaction is to defend ourselves. The one thing however that we have to remember is most people are only seeing the situation from their perspective. Let them have their say and then let them know you will think about it and talk to them when you are ready to discuss things together calmly. You can also just tell them now isn’t the time and can we talk about it later.
  4. Constant arguing in a relationship? This is a nightmare again but does happen. When you are getting to know each other, you will both have habits, you will both grow together and you will both change due to circumstances. If you truly love each other then you will find a way to discuss things in a sensible way and come to good conclusions. If your arguments are just putting each other down all the time then this is not healthy and you might have to move on. Arguments are healthy and everyone should stand up for themselves. Unhealthy arguments however can do untold damage that cannot be undone.
  5. How to stop arguing with your boyfriend every day? Talk to them, understand why or what they are doing that is causing the arguments. If it is you then apologize to them. Sometimes like I said before people get on our nerves, not because they have done something wrong but because we are in a bad mood ourselves. So work out whether it is you thinking it or they are actually doing something. Trust is a big thing in relationships and being able to discuss your future together and agree to love each other is paramount if you want a healthy relationship.
  6. How to not engage in an argument? Again do not get sucked in. If you can feel yourself getting irate and wanting to hit back then just take a deep breath and withdraw yourself from the conversation. It is likely you will have to have this conversation in the future, this might just not be the right time or place for it. Explain that it is not the best time to tackle this and walk away, but be polite and be kind and let the other person take time to calm down too.
  7. Healthy arguing techniques? Check above there are 10 helpful ways to have a healthy argument instead.

There you go that is everything I have to say on how to stop an argument in its tracks. If you like what I say then do joing my program below and we have a laugh along the way. Wishing you all the very best Scott

Letting It Go And Living Life With A Smile

Letting it go whatever it is that is troubling you is the best thing that you can do and as quickly as possible. The longer we leave things in life the harder it is to start the process of letting it go. We can be consumed by our intrusive thought process that goes around in our heads.

Our voices pushing us to revisit the situation and to find out more about the problem, rather than just leaving sleeping dogs lie and know that life will get better. If we take a positive approach to things in life instead. Some things were just meant to be and there is nothing that we can ever do to change them. So accepting sometimes that things do happen for a reason can help us understand how to come out of these situations with a smile instead.

Letting It Go
Letting It Go – Photo by Paolo Bendandi on Unsplash

I remember when my ex left me and didn’t want to talk or make things up or try anything at all to work things out. At first I was devastated and was in shock. I just couldn’t get out of my head that she was leaving me with my daughter and that i wouldn’t be able to see her everyday and be the dad that I so desperately wanted to be.

Now this isn’t the first time that this has happened to me so luckily I knew how things would go and I decided that I would just let it go and move on because there was no point delving into the why’s and whats. The torment of it all just isn’t worth it and the intrusive thoughts you get are like having mental turrets and to contain them is frustrating among many other emotions.

I am sure you have been in this position yourself when you have had an argument or a disagreement with someone. The thoughts go around in your head and you tell yourself, I can’t believe they did that, I can’t believe they said that, I can’t let them get away with that, that is not fair because you did this. It is really easy to get into a tit for tat converstation and before you know it rather than letting it go, you just get sucked in deeper and deeper and make things worse.

So sometimes we just do have to bite the bullet if we want to move on in life and the below are my tips on how I dealt with letting go of the situation and moving on to a much better place in life.

My Top Tips On Letting Go And Moving On

  1. Your thoughts – The only person that controls your thoughts is you. Whether we like it or not the only voice in our head is our own telling us to do things. By calming these messages and understanding them and processing them with clarity rather than reacting will keep you safe. Our minds can make up a million stories to any given situation, so it is always important to believe in the facts and not the fiction that our minds try to play with us. They are just there to protect us, but I guarantee that whatever you are thinking is not the same as the other person. So until you know the absolute truth, do not believe everything that you think and feel.
  2. Become a better you – Sometimes in life we need to let go to become a better person ourselves. To learn from situations and understand ourselves better. As sometimes, things where definitely meant to happen. Whether we are heart broken or left shattered as a result of this, life is an experience and the only thing we can control is our own thoughts. We cannot control the thoughts and actions of other people. No matter how hard we try to make the situation better, if the other person has decided on how they feel. You will just make yourself look silly trying. It is better to always walk away and let it go and let them come back to you and if it was meant to be, they will come back.
  3. Learn to communicate and stay calmStaying calm in these situations is really hard because it doesn’t matter what happened, you will need answers to your questions. If you cannot get the answers or don’t like the answer, then you have to communicate in the correct way. Sometimes we need to apologise and sometimes we just need to accept that it wasn’t meant to be. You cannot go in shouting, as this will just make the situation ten times worse. So keep calm as much as you can and you will be able to process your thoughts in a much better, clear and consise way.
  4. Accept the situation – When bad things happen to us and our minds delve on it and we cannot do anything about it. We just make the situation worse for ourselves and before we know it, we are saying well it could have been like this, it could have gotten better, if only. But this is just torturing ourselves and does no good for our mental health at all. Bite the bullet, learn from the mistake, push it to one side and move on and let it go as quickly as you can. You have heard when one door closes another one opens. Well it will if you look positively on things, if you look negatively. The only doors that will be open will lead to a pathway that you do not want to go down.
  5. Don’t take things personally – This is really hard because deep down we all want to know that we have done all the right things in life and we try to defend ourselves. Just because something didn’t work out or someone does not want you in their life anymore, does not mean this is personal towards you. It may very well be if you have wronged that person and in which case you need to rectify it and quickly. But when we can look at ourselves and be honest and see why these things have happened. We can make a choice to never make the same mistake again. This doesn’t mean losing trust in people either, it just means recognising sometimes that we do things wrong too. We all make mistakes we are all partly responsible in some ways for what went wrong. But we cannot hold ourselves responsible, crap happens sometimes and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.
  6. Don’t get nasty and blame others – It is easy to feel full of resentment and hatred towards a situation or a person. You wouldn’t be human if this didn’t happen, but when you hold onto these feelings, that person and that situation will stay with you and the rot will just set in. By letting go and moving on you can brush these feelings to the side and move forward with your life. You never want to look back with regrets, just concentrate on having a better future moving forward instead. It is also natural to blame other people, but when we accept some responsiblity ourselves for the problem. We get to know more about ourselves and this allows you to find your inner yourself which will also help you not to get into the same situation in the future either.
  7. Learning control in life – Sometimes our emotions can fire us up out of nowhere and make us blow up. Around some people that will bring out the worse in them too, as they might not know how to handle the situation. So learning some control in how you deal with situations is really important. Going for a walk or taking time out before you respond to anyone is paramount in not getting sucked into a situation you will regret later. Sometimes we do take things out on those we hold closest too, so learn to apologise and don’t just think it is okay they will put up with it. Because one day they won’t and they will walk away.
  8. Life is meant to be fun – Life is not meant to be a continous barrage of unhappiness. But if you want to be happier in life, then learning to let go of situations is really important to continue your happiness moving forward. It generally comes with time and practice and you can practice this yourself, so next time you are not happy, teach yourself to look at the situation in a different light. Don’t wind yourself up but ask yourself whenther holding onto this anger will do you any favors in the future. I guarantee if you do not let situations hurt you and instead can shrug this stuff off, your mind will be so much more peaceful.
  9. You are really just hurting yourself – Recognise that the only person you are hurting is yourself, the other person or situation has probably just moved on and not paying it any attention. So those intrusive thoughts you are having are just destroying your soul and no one else’s. Jealousy can eat you up too and make you feel like you want to kick back, but you have to hold onto your horses and ride until you reach the top of the mountain. Most situations will resolve themselves naturally anyway but the overthinking process that goes into it is the one that destroys your soul.
  10. Does it really matter anyway – Weigh up the pro’s and cons of the situation. Is your life really going to be worse off in this situation or can you make it better? If it can become better and you can see it and smell it and know that you can travel down your own path with a smile on your face. Then don’t look back and just let it go as quickly as you can. If your life is going to be worse, then try and rectify the situation if you can. If you can make sure you don’t end up in the same position again. If you can’t then accept it and move on as quickly as you can too.
  11. If you have to, then do this – Get rid of everything that reminds you of the situation if it brings back bad memories. Close down relationships completely if needed. Remove anything that makes you feel bad about the situation and concentrate on new things in your life instead. Moving forward as quickly as you can and cutting all ties to the situation is something that will make you heal quicker.
  12. Life is what you make it so enjoy it – When you realise that life is full of ups and downs and a bit like a rollercoaster. You will be treated like shit, people will try and bring you down, situations will try and bring you down and everything will stop you trying to live your best life. You never truly know anyone until they don’t need or want you anymore then you will find out what they are really like. Because you are expecting these things to happen, you become prepared and when you live for yourself in life, then you can stand on your own two feet and become independent on other people. You can become one with yourself and live the best life you can by not taking things personally. Knowing that shit does happen, moving forward and making a better life for yourself at every opportunity you get. If you are kind to others and give love freely and don’t get sucked into life by criticising others, becoming spiteful, hating life without putting in any effort and just letting it all go. Then you will live a more happy and sustained lifestyle.
  13. Don’t be scared – We all get scared about things changing in our lives but sometimes change is necessary. Whether it is forced upon us or we make the change, sometimes it is much needed. Relationships move on, people move on but after all, most people will look after themselves first and foremost which is why you should look after yourself first too. You will survive and you will make it through this, you just have to be strong, let go of the past and put a smile back on your face as quickly as you possibly can. Be courageous and live life to the best of your ability and cast anything off that wants to mess with your mojo, because worrying about stuff isn’t worth it. If you can let it go and move on, you will feel like a massive weight has been lifted of your shoulders.
  14. Let it go – My wife always tells me that you cannot argue with stupid and it is so true. Some people cannot communicate their feelings well enough and sometimes we cannot accept the truth either. This just means that situations escalate without the realisation that if you don’t come to a joint conclusion, you may as well just let it go. Letting go of some things is going to be painful but do not let it haunt you for the rest of your life. Do not live in regret and just keep moving forwards, so that you enjoy the time you have on this planet and live you for you and no one else.

Frequently Asked Questions About How To Let It Go

  1. How do you let go and move on? You have to accept that the situation is over and also have something else to replace the feelings that you lost. Sometimes there is nothing we can do about things, apart from let them fall apart. Take responsibility for the part you played in this and learn from any mistakes that have been made. Build a better life for yourself moving forward and treat this as a bump in the road to reaching your final destination. Life is a funny thing as we are expected to know what job we want from an early age, have a few girlfriends or boyfriends, get married and have kids, work hard. But life doesn’t work that way and when you have not experienced the world, committing to these things is hard and growing in life reveals who we are. So use every opportunity as being experience. I am now 47 and have only just found my meaning in life, have just married the women I should have married in the first place. Made lots of mistakes but i have learnt that to hold onto the things you truly should, you have to treat them with care, kindness and they will stay.
  2. Why do I have a hard time letting go of things? Rejection in situations is a really hard emotion to content with. We all want to be loved, recognised and rewarded for the things we do. As we have a rouinte when those things get out of line and change is imposed, we have a wobble. The uncertainty of what life holds takes a grip, so you tend to hold on, even if the situation is not right for you. It takes a great person to end a troubled relationship if it is not working out. But when you can see that there is no value to the things in life and it is holding you back, then you do have to let it go sometimes. In order to let go most people need something to replace it. Which is why some people cheat, because they are trying to find out whether the grass is greener on the other side. To have something to move too. This does not change the underlying causes of problems though. As they will always carry the same traits over with them and most relationships are pretty much the same. So live for yourself and keep yourself happy and if something does not add value to your life and you have done everything to change it. Then just let it go.
  3. Why is letting go important? Because if you don’t, you will just torture your mind with revisits of a situation you can do nothing about. Bitterness will set in and you will find it hard to move forward in life. We should always be concentrating on the future, rather that reliving the past. What we cannot change or have no power over we need to remove from our minds otherwise the torment will cause issues with your mental health.
  4. When should you let go of someone? That is a really hard questions. I guess my ex got rid of me by saying if it wasn’t going to be now, it would be sometime in the future anyway. It took a lot of guts for her to say that and to follow it through too. I offered everything to her but she had already made her mind up. So I would say, when you have done everything you can to make things right, you cannot communicate anymore, you are unhappy and you are not adding value to each others lives. Then it might be time for you to move on. A lot of people stay for the sake of the kids, this is a decision only you can make. I have been lucky that my kids stepdads have been amazing and to take on someone else’s kids as their own I truly value them for. If you are going to walk away however, you have to make sure that you have a clear vision that your life will improve, never look back and smash life out of the park.
  5. Is it true if you love someone let them go? Love is a funny thing and sometimes we can feel like we are in love. But without experiencing this emotion with lots of different people, you never know what that true feeling is like. You also cannot change other people’s minds for them, so despite the fact you might love them. If they do not love you back then you are wasting your time in finding that true special person in your life that will add massive value and love you back with all their heart. So that is a personal choice but you will also have to let go of all the emotions and baggage and move on yourself too and to a better place.
  6. How do you let someone go emotionally? Some people do lots of different things with this. I have seen recommendations that you think of things that they have done badly until you build a bad picture of them in your head. This then allows you to let them go. I do not believe in this approach personally as I think hating others adds bitterness to your life and theirs. There is nothing worse than knowing someone out there hates you. So I value all the things they did for you but accept that i was just not the right person for them and nor me. When you meet someone else but put in strict guidelines of what you want next time and don’t settle for less. You will find someone bigger and better that fills your soul with Joy. You just have to be positive and be grateful for the times that you were together and not bitter over the things that you miss, because they can be replaced.
  7. How do you make someone miss you? In life you have to be consistent. With my new wife I set the bar so high that sometimes I get caught out by dropping the ball. I text my wife numerous times a day to say how much she means to me, buy her flowers for her hard work around the house, open car doors for he and generally spoil her. There is no point doing these things however if you care going to stop it at a later date. People in relationships need a consistent approach and not a you aren’tthe man or women you used to be when we met. We all change but our caring and kindness should stay the same. So if you do everything to make someone as happy as they can be, they will automatically miss you, because they are your World.

I know some of these things sound easy but over time you will see for yourself that letting go really is the best option to move forward in life. If you cannot see things for yourself, then you are losing the battle. Most people cannot see where they are failing in life and find it hard to let go of their emotions. This can cause real emotional baggage that they take everywhere with them.

If you find yourself in this position, then over time realise that these thoughts and emotions are just holding you back and that you need closure on the situation. By having closure you will be able to move forward with a life that is more suited to your needs. A life that over time rewards you for being yourself and you will be so much happier in the days to come.

Life is meant to take you up to the stars. You are meant to live a life for yourself and be kind to others, to help others and not get brought back in time. Being brought back in time really will just make you feel helpless over the situation. So with closure you need to take control of your life and over time this will happen if you keep a positive outlook on life and know that you deserve more than what you had before. It is a trying time but the sooner you let go of the past the sooner you will move onto the better life that you will build for yourself.

So there you have it, all my blurb on letting it go and moving on in life. If you need help or motivation then please do join me on my transformation program where I go through every day strategies to add value to yours and other people’s lives through the daily videos.

In the meantime I wish you all the best of success in life and hope that you can now let go of the things that are causing unhappiness in your life. All my best wishes Scott

Things Will Get Better – You Have To Believe

If you need things to get better in your life then hopefully this article will help you to get there. I have suffered a lot of personal tragedys in life and the below is how I made things better for myself by controlling my thoughts and believing that life had more in store for me than just misery.

It can be hard to control our intrusive and obsessive thoughts because the voices just go round and round in our heads telling us things that just are not good for us to here. The mind is a powerful thing and can trick you into all sorts of feelings and thoughts that can easily run away with you.

The important thing to realise is that you can control them and they are your thoughts and if you put the below into action then you will be one step closer to making your life better in the future.

Things will get better
Things will get better – Photo by Vlada Karpovich from Pexels

My Top Tips On Things Will Get Better In Life

  1. Stopping the intrusive thoughts – When something bad happens to us in life, our thoughts can run away with us. Sometimes we just have to disconnect our brains in order to have moments of clarity and stop those thoughts from becoming damaging to our souls. We have to switch our minds from the negative paralyzing feelings to one’s which show that the future can be brighter in everyway. One way to do this is by always moving forward in life and we will discuss this more in the below points.
  2. The 7 stages of grief – Which are defined in detail by healthline here you will more than likely have to go through. Your emotions will highly be all over the place and your intrusive thoughts will at times just get worse and no matter how hard you try and control them. So you are not alone in this and everyone tends to go through these steps when something bad happens in life.
  3. This is just temporary – Everyone says that time is the best healer right? But that doesn’t help you because you want the thoughts and the feelings to stop and stop now? The only way you can do this is really to move your thought processes onto something else and refuse to think about it. There are consequences to this also as holding back your thoughts might stop you from being happy again at a later date in life. This is because they might come back to bite you on the bum if you haven’t got rid of those emotions. The way that I deal with this is by the following
    1. Acceptance – Once you have accepted that the situation has happened and that everything really does happen for a reason and you cannot do anything about it. Your thoughts will be able to move on. If you can do something about the situation however then you will need to address it in the right way until you resolve it with a positive action.
    2. Move forward – When something leaves your life, it will need replacing with something else. So do what you can to find comfort in something that makes you feel the same way as quickly as you can. This will transfer the thoughts onto a more joyful feeling as it will replace the negative thoughts. I know this isn’t easily done in some situations but it will help.
    3. Keep your mind focussed on new things – It is time to be the best person you can be by having a plan in life and keeping your mind occupied on what your life will look like. We really all are capable of doing or getting whatever we want in life and by having a pathway in life. Your mind will be concentrating on getting what you want out of life and the past will slowly fade away.
    4. Take other people’s advice with a pinch of salt – This is your life and you need to think about how you feel about things and not how you should act based on other people’s ideas. I remember when I got divorced twice and everyone slagged off my ex wives. Now I am a pretty kind person and don’t like putting other people down. Sometimes we are also to blame for things and being bitter about others just eats away at you. So you have to happy with how you want to deal with the situation. I chose to be kind and move on in life but if I had off listened to other people, I probably would have done all sorts of unkind things. Just to pee my ex’s off. Would it have made the situation any better?Absolutely not.
    5. Learn to communicate – Part of life is accepting that things do go wrong, that we do say things we shouldn’t, we do things we might regret, we hurt people’s feelings. This is normal and what we have to recognize is that we are not always right. What might seem the right thing to do for us might be completely different for someone else. So we have to be empathic in our behaviour and learn to treat people sensitively and in a way that adds value to both your lives. Arguments and tit for tat conversations are just harmful and if we can apologize and move on then you will be in a much better place. Unfortunately though when someone draws us into an argument it is hard not to retaliate. Just be the bigger person and learn to apologise when you need to and make up as often as you can.
    6. Don’t be hard on yourself – It is really easy to blame ourselves and beat ourselves up about stuff. When we mull everything over in minds we really can come out with all sorts of outcomes. Sometimes we just have to accept the situation and move on, no matter how hard it is sometimes. Things where just meant to be that way. Just concentrate on being the better version of yourself and stay kind and conscious in your actions.
  4. The time is now – If we want to make things better then we have to deal with the situation as quickly as possible. As an example someone wants to try parachuting. They are crapping themselves when they finally come to jump out of the plane. They spend 20 minutes, crying, screaming and scaring themselves half to death before they are forced to jump out. They land and absolutely love the experience but they spent 20 minutes scaring themselves when they were going to have to do it anyway. So always try and save yourself some time in life and stop scaring yourself and accept as quickly as you can. That you need to move on.
  5. Believe in yourself – Never have regrets in life. Sometimes we do things we are not proud of or wrong things. Or just bad things happen. Recognise the situation and learn from it and don’t make the same mistake again in the future. This will allow you to accept that if a situation like that arises again in the future, then you will actively deal with it better. If you beat yourself up about it however and you can’t change it anyway, then you are only making your mental health worse. When we cannot do something about anything there is no point beating ourselves up about it.
  6. Find yourself – Life is all about finding ourselves. Life is a test of our strenghts and weaknesses and will throw so much at you that sometimes it is hard to take. Our ability to just jump straight back on the horse or not will dictate whether things bet better quickly or over time. Every emotion we have is triggered by our own thought processes, when we learn to control them we can decide what upsets us and what doesn’t.
  7. Be kind to yourself – No matter what happens your own mental health is really important and you really do have to be kind to yoursef along the way. Beating yourself up over and over will just bring you down and you have to get over the anger and realise this is what it is. My wife always asks me how I feel about things and I don’t. Until something actually happens then I don’t deal with it. My thought processes are always on fixing things when they happen, not doing something about something that may never happen in the first place.
  8. Smash life – For every time that we get knocked down it is an experience. There are billions of people on the planet that will love us for who we are, there are billions of people in worse situations that we are in, there are billions of opportunities to make life better. We just have to recognise that we either live a life in gried or we accept that we have to move on. No matter what anyone tells you things will get better and you have control over this. So put a smile on your face and make everyday of your life count no matter what happens.

Frequently Asked Questions About Things Will Get Better

  1. How do I get hope that things will get better? Some things in life there are no answers for and there is no hope unfortunately. These are the situations that leave us without meaning and feeling angry about the results. Losing people in our lives, sickness and lots of other things. The only thing that we can do in these circumstances is accept that they have happened. The journey will be hard and you will go through the stages of grief and things will get worse before they get better. You just have to live with some things, but we do have a choice still to live our lives or become consumed within it. We have to move forward it is just when we can. Our minds are powerful at creating problems and issues and not letting us move forward. I just now accept that things I cannot change or control then i have to let them go.
  2. How do you tell someone that they will get better? It depends on what situation this is in as there are dramatic things that can happen to someone from splitting up, becoming sick, losing their job and many other things. All you can do is be empathic to that person and don’t judge them and listen properly to their story. You don’t need to do anything unless they ask you too as they might just need to get over the stages of grief first themselves. We all have an inbuilt survival mechanism that will kick in at some point, it just depends on how long it takes to get there. So support them by being positive and not getting down with them, help in everyway you can by adding value to the conversation. Reassure them that you are there for them at anytime they need you. Cry with them, laugh with them and do everything you can to help them move forward.
  3. What does i can only get better mean? Sometimes this is said because people shrug of situations by saying things can only get better. It is a way of transferring your thoughts so that you let your mind know that the situation could have been worse. Our thoughts are really powerful and can convince us of anything if we let them. So moving forward with a postive quote such as things can only get better just realigns our thoughts to a more positive sping of things.
  4. What gives you hope in life? Being kind and offering help to others. Giving love freely and supporting everyone through their growth path. We all want to be loved, rewarded and recognised for who we truly are. Unfortunately life can be cruel and we can also be governed by those people and let them hold us back. Life should not be like that and everyone should and deserves to be happy in life and i see at as my job to help other people feel good about themselves. Life is a big education and staying positive and looking at life through rose tinted glasses takes time. It can be done however and when you master your life and help others life does change.
  5. Can you live without hope? I would say not in this case because we all have wants and desires in life. When we feel that we are not getting them we lose faith. We bad situations present themselves we hold onto them and think that life will always be this way. Just because one thing has happened however, does not mean it will happen over and over again. If it does then we are more capable of dealing with it as we should have learnt our lessons from the last time. We should live freely and not cloud our minds with issues and problems, but fill our minds with hope and dreams that we can have whatever we want in life. If we are willing to work hard for it that is.

I know sometimes life is hard and it is really difficult to see that things will get better too. But you do have to move forward and as quickly as you can. So feel free to join my program below and let me help you make your life better moving forward too.

It really just a change in perception and how we transform our thoughts into positive one’s, don’t take things personally, learn to be the best person we can be and just have fun with life. So I wish you all the very best in life and hope to catch up soon. Best wishes Scott

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