How To Stop An Argument Transcription
Hi there and welcome to changeyourlifeforever.co.uk.
It’s Scott, Your host of the podcast talking.
And today we’re going to talk about how to stop an argument because generally, arguments are futile, right?
You find yourself talking to somebody and you’re just getting more and more irate and the more that you engage in the argument.
The worse it actually gets, and kind of what happens is you get into a tit for tat relationship where they may say one thing, you say another thing.
And then all of a sudden, you both got your backs up. Your both getting upset and you can’t talk about things properly.
You probably go away not talking to each other, and that can happen in a relationship or it can also happen with your friends, with your family, with everyone else.
Sometimes those arguments just come from nowhere. You know, your in a bad mood, you’ve had a bad day, you come home, you take it out on someone they retaliate, and all of a sudden you find that your in a battle with somebody, and it’s a battle over words and you know, everyone is getting upset and no one really takes control of the situation.
0 (1m 12s):
So you know, it doesn’t matter who you are, at some points in your life, you are going to end up arguing with people. And if you can learn how to have a conversation with someone properly, it really will help you out. And I know, you know, me and my wife are absolutely in love together, but occasionally we don’t see eye to eye and that’s okay. It is okay for everybody to have that freedom of speech, to be able to express how they feel and what their thoughts are about things.
0 (1m 43s):
You know, we have a very different way of parenting and I don’t see my kids very often. So when I see them, I’m more about having fun with them, rather than telling them off, but my wife is more into, you know, they should have rules, they should help. They should have manners. And my kids have got all that. But if they slip up I generally, you know, overlook it, let them get away with it. And sometimes you just end up getting upset with each other. And when you get upset with each other, anything can happen.
0 (2m 14s):
You are going to stay stuff that you don’t mean. You are gonna say things that you can’t take back, but not only that, you will convince yourself that what you’re saying is right and that the other person is wrong. So the way that I deal with this is kind of, you don’t get sucked into the conversation. You don’t let anybody pull you into that argument and what you need to do is sit there and listen to people.
0 (2m 44s):
And I learned this a long time ago. Then, when you have angry customers over the phone, they phone you up, their really upset, their really angry. You know, they know that they haven’t got their product or the product is broken or they’ve had bad customer service or whatever. And they just want to shout at someone, they just want to argue with someone for the sake of arguing and to get their point across and the way that you deal with it. It’s just about being nice and understanding where they are coming from. Everybody has thoughts and feelings. Everybody has their own ways of dealing with things.
0 (3m 17s):
If you can empathize with this and look at it from their perspective and actually sit down and listen to what they’ve got to say until they finish, then you can try and help them with that conversation. And you can try and nurture them, to, you know, well, I didn’t see that from your perspective, I didn’t understand you were feeling that way. What can I do to make it better for you, what can I do to make the situation better? And when you don’t take things personally, it’s much easier to deal with because if you’re a good person, if you’re a kind person, and if you are trying to do your best for the people, you know that you are there to try and help them.
0 (3m 58s):
You are there to try and make them feel better. You know? And, and sometimes teenagers come in and they have a good day or a bad day, you know, one minute their lovely, the next minute they hate you. And if you engage in that conversation at the time when they don’t particularly want you around, or they don’t want to hear your advice then you are wasting your words, and you’re wasting your time and all your doing is created an atmosphere whereby they won’t come to you in the future. They won’t trust you and your relationships with your partners.
0 (4m 29s):
And that sense with your kids will just fall apart. So the best thing that you can do is just sit and listen. Don’t interrupt them, let them fumble around, let them say what they’ve got to say. Don’t take it personally and then sit back take a pause. And rather than telling them that they’re wrong, that they shouldn’t feel like that. But you know, the world isn’t against them and all that sorta stuff just ask them, how can I make this better for you? How can I turn this around so that you will feel better?
0 (5m 4s):
And they might not be able to tell you they might rant again. But when you learn to just relax and not take things personally, you won’t retaliate. You won’t make that argument any worse than it already is because arguments do cause problems and they are not worth it. They’re really not worth it. And if you find that you get sucked into a massive argument just put a pause on it and say, this isn’t the right time to talk about this.
0 (5m 34s):
Can we sit down in a nice environment, go for a walk, and have a conversation about it, where both of you are taken out of that environment. And you can discuss things properly. Because if you love your friends, if you love your partner, if you love your kids, you don’t want to cause them harm. You don’t want them to be upset, but sometimes people do things wrong. And sometimes they will blame anybody and everybody around them because they won’t want to accept that blame themselves but if you can make them see that what they’re saying is wrong, then they will see it for themselves.
0 (6m 14s):
It’s not your job to tell them sometimes if their being rude or whatever just say, you know, look you’re being rude, I can’t talk to you at the moment, wait until you have calmed down. And I’ll talk to you about it a bit later, but it’s really hard not to get sucked into that. And that’s why you have to be calm, you have to be patient and you have to give people time. And when you understand the full story, you’ll find that when somebody repeats what they are angry about.
0 (6m 44s):
It will start to not make sense in their own mind. It’s a little bit like when you’re drunk, right? You can’t be wrong when you are drunk. When you’re drunk, you are the rightest person on the planet, and then you wake up the next day and go, Oh my God, did I really say that? Did I really do that, but that’s the same in everyday life when you get a bee in your bonnet, you want to take it out on somebody. You want to get that frustration out and I was laughing the other day because some guy on LinkedIn was looking around and, you know, COVID has been really hard for a lot of people.
0 (7m 16s):
But he said he got so frustrated at the breakfast table. He got so irate that he had to go out on his bike. Then he explained why he was irate and the reason he was irate and unhappy was because of how much milk his son had put on his cornflakes. That just shows you sometimes, how irrational our behaviors can be. How irrational we are, when we want to take something out on someone, that we wanna blame somebody else for our mood, and that’s generally what people are doing there just taking it out on you.
0 (7m 53s):
But when you can sit back and not take it personally and go, have a think about this? Come back and talk to me later. We can have a good discussion. We can work out the best way to move forward with this. Then things will work out. Things will get better and you will have a good understanding. And you’ll also earn each other’s respect because life is a compromise, right? You’re never going to have everything, that you want. You are never, always going to get your way. And the world is a big place.
0 (8m 23s):
And there are lots of different people out there with lots of different cultures. The way they’ve been educated has been different, but everybody wants to be loved. Everybody wants to get on with each other. That’s how we help each other through life. So don’t get sucked into an argument. And if you want to stop an argument straight away, just put the breaks on pause it and ask the person, you know, can we discuss this later. It’s not the right time at the moment, but just don’t let yourself get sucked into the tit for conversation where you’re gonna upset each other, where you both going to come away, not talking to each other and not be happy.
0 (9m 2s):
So just relax, be calm, and deal with it in a really good way. And that’s all I’ve got to say today on how to stop an argument. And if you’d like to join me on the transformation journey, where I’ve got lots of helpful videos to help you live a better life and, you know, enjoy yourself and be happy in life, they can come and join me through the video below this post.
My Top Tips On How To Stop An Argument
- Listen – If you do not listen to what the other person is saying. You will miss the point of what they are trying to get to and this will just frustrate them even more and you won’t be able to stop an argument.
- Do not interrupt – You might want to get your point across, but wait until they have finished what they are saying first. Everyone gets very frustrated and angry when they are interrupted.
- Have patience – This could take some time, so be patient, even if your blood is boiling, take deep breaths, and be patient until they have finished.
- Have some empathy – We are all individuals with different feelings. This means we can all go through the same problems, issues but feel them in a different way. Try and understand why they are feeling this way so that you can see things from their viewpoint too.
- Choose another time – If the time is not right to talk about this then don’t. If you can see that frustrations are getting out of hand on your side or theirs, then pause the conversation until another time if you want to stop an argument.
- Be prepared to compromise – Sometimes we just not see eye to eye on things. Therefore we have to agree to differ in some arguments. As long as you can work together to agree on this then hopefully it should stop arguments about the same thing in the future.
- Think before you speak –Thinking about what you are about to say before you speak is really important. We can all get sucked into conversations and say hurtful things to each other. To avoid this where necessary.
- Stay calm – do not let your temper flare. This is hard sometimes, but just stay cool-headed and do not let your emotions run freely with you.
- Apologizing – If you are in the wrong, then apologize. We can’t be right all the time and sometimes a simple apology might just save the day.
- Make sure you make up – Arguments are generally silly and stupid. Our pride however sometimes gets in the way of our feelings. So be prepared to come to a compromise on things and give each other a hug and move on. Nothing is irreparable unless you let your intrusive thoughts run wild and you start hating the other person as a result of what has happened.
Frequently Asked Questions On How To Stop An Argument
- How to handle arguments in a relationship or with your partner? You are never going to see eye to eye all the time in a relationship. Try and avoid arguments by having healthy discussions instead. There is a time and place for most conversations and you both have to be in a good mood to discuss important issues. Work out whether the problem is big enough to cause an argument in the first place. Most of the time they are not, we are just simply in a bad mood, jealous, feeling neglected, taken for granted, etc. But reacting sometimes can just make things worse. If you truly love each other, then you will always find a way to come to a common understanding, even if it takes a little time to get there in the first place.
- Circular arguments in relationships? These are a nightmare, right? Every time you have an argument, they bring up the same points over and over again. This could be because they haven’t fully resolved the issue the first time around. The best thing to do with this is always agree to draw a line in the sand and move on when you come to an agreement on stuff. Stacking things up and not letting go of the past will just do you both some damage. So choose the right moments to talk and then agree you are both happy with the outcome.
- How to disengage from an argument? The best thing to do is not get sucked in. This is really hard because our instant reaction is to defend ourselves. The one thing however that we have to remember is most people are only seeing the situation from their perspective. Let them have their say and then let them know you will think about it and talk to them when you are ready to discuss things together calmly. You can also just tell them now isn’t the time and can we talk about it later.
- Constant arguing in a relationship? This is a nightmare again but does happen. When you are getting to know each other, you will both have habits, you will both grow together and you will both change due to circumstances. If you truly love each other then you will find a way to discuss things in a sensible way and come to good conclusions. If your arguments are just putting each other down all the time then this is not healthy and you might have to move on. Arguments are healthy and everyone should stand up for themselves. Unhealthy arguments however can do untold damage that cannot be undone.
- How to stop arguing with your boyfriend every day? Talk to them, understand why or what they are doing that is causing the arguments. If it is you then apologize to them. Sometimes like I said before people get on our nerves, not because they have done something wrong but because we are in a bad mood ourselves. So work out whether it is you thinking it or they are actually doing something. Trust is a big thing in relationships and being able to discuss your future together and agree to love each other is paramount if you want a healthy relationship.
- How to not engage in an argument? Again do not get sucked in. If you can feel yourself getting irate and wanting to hit back then just take a deep breath and withdraw yourself from the conversation. It is likely you will have to have this conversation in the future, this might just not be the right time or place for it. Explain that it is not the best time to tackle this and walk away, but be polite and be kind and let the other person take time to calm down too.
- Healthy arguing techniques? Check above there are 10 helpful ways to have a healthy argument instead.
There you go that is everything I have to say on how to stop an argument in its tracks. If you like what I say then do joing my program below and we have a laugh along the way. Wishing you all the very best Scott